


Run From You

by Twitterbug69



Series: Run To You [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-01-04 06:49:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 43,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21193382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twitterbug69/pseuds/Twitterbug69
Summary: Buck has worked hard to recover from the bombing that left him injured and out of work. But just when he thinks he's in the clear to return to work he's knocked on his ass again. Now he has new issues to deal with that will keep him grounded from truck even longer. A tsunami doesn't help matters , especially when it brings his replacement in firefighter Lena Bosko. Now Buck is trying to get his job and his family back when he feels like everyone is against him and has replaced him. Things become strained between him and Eddie. Can they survive more problems or will the aftermath of Buck's bad luck tear them apart and send Eddie into Lena's arms?





	1. Blood Clots and Tidal Waves

**Author's Note:**

> I know I said I was gonna be a bit before I posted anything new , but this season just won't let me rest. I am editing Run To You to publish so if there is anything out of place like names etc let me know. Trying to change all the 9-1-1 related stuff and write the new season at the same time is CRAZY. As always look for the Facebook group , we are growing and have great Buddie content.

Three months.

That's how long Buck had been working at physical therapy , recovering from surgeries and has been out of work. Three months. 

Three months of sweat and tears , anger and pain. Clawing his way out of the deep , dark hole he had fallen further into each time he heard  _ 'Not yet.'  _

There were setbacks and unexpected challenges. Like when the plate they had put in his ankle to hold it together had shifted , they went back in. When his muscles , beaten and battered had seized up on him so bad they worried they'd have to severe it to get it to stop. 

Setbacks.

But he was past that. He stood there suited up in full gear , his heart beating wildly in his chest as he waited for his signal. With a screech of the whistle he was off. The multi-level training building was engulfed in flames and shrouded in smoke.

But Buck was in his element. This was his safe space , his home. This place , between the fire and flames on the edge of death and destruction was where he belonged. He raced through the room searching. She was here somewhere.

He cleared the top floor and knew that she could only be on the floor below him. Two sections of stairs separated this floor from the one below. Too much time loss. 

He checked below him and leaped over the rail. His body flying weightless for a moment making his stomach swoop in exhilaration. He landed with a thump below and swept his eyes left and right. He walked , half crouched through the hazy room. Finally he saw her. 

Blazing Betty. 

She was five foot six , a hundred and thirty pounds. Blonde hair halfway down her back. Today she wore a grey long sleeve with a pair of tight jeans. No one knew what she did for a living only that she always ended up in a burning building. 

She had lived and died here. She tested them all , every man and woman who walked through the halls of the fire Academy either loved her or hated her. For she was their judge , jury and executioner. 

Save her and pass or kill her and fail. 

Buck grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder. He turned and headed in the direction of the door. Busting it open he ran over to the crowd and dropped Betty on her back and ripped his mask off. 

"I believe that's a new course record Buckley." 

"Yes!" He yelled in triumph. 

He stowed his gear and changed his clothes before jumping in his jeep and riding home , radio blaring as he sang along to whatever came on. He was in. That was all that mattered. 

After three months he was coming home.

@@@@@@@@@@

"Maddie do we have to do dinner with Cap and Athena? I want to celebrate with everyone not eat dinner." Buck whined. 

"You can handle one dinner." She rolled her eyes at him as they walked in Athena's. 

"SURPRISE!" The crowd gathered at the foot of the stairs shouted as Maddie flicked the light on. 

"Holy shit!" Buck said as he flailed in shock. 

"Language." Athena scolded. 

"You knew?!" Buck accused Maddie as he continued down the stairs. 

Everyone was standing there laughing and smiling as he made it to the foot. Eddie front and center with Christopher. Eddie looked back at the others and Bobby shoved him forward knowing he wanted first dibs. Eddie ran up and hugged him tight kissing him soundly. 

"You are so gonna get it." Buck laughed at him. 

"You love it." Eddie replied , pulling back so Christopher could get a hug. 

Everyone greeted Buck , congratulating him on passing his revals. Buck loved it. He had worried about being gone for so long. That he would lose his spot , his friends and his home. He looked around and was glad he hadn't. 

"So you guys were so sure I'd pass you sprung for this cake?" He asked as he walked up to Chim and Maddie , stifling a cough. 

"We got you a 'sorry you failed' cake too. Figured we better cover our bases." Chim said. 

"You guys suck." Buck coughed again , rubbing at his chest as he walked off. 

"Buck!" Christopher called to him. 

"Hey my best man." Buck kneeled in front of him. 

"I made you this." He handed him a card.

It was hand drawn and colored. There was a firefighter with blonde hair and a little boy with crutches. In squiggly writing it said  _ 'To my other hero. You're the best firefighter and dad.' _

"Oh Christopher , I love it." Buck teared up as he pulled him in for a hug. 

"What did it say? He wouldn't let me read it , said it was for you first." Eddie said. 

Buck handed it up to him as he continued to hold Christopher , choking back his tears. His chest felt tight , a jab of pain. It was fleeting and Buck coughed to clear the odd feeling. 

"Oh." Eddie said as he read it. 

"I want cake." Christopher said breaking the emotional moment. 

"Let's get you some cake then." Eddie told him as he kissed Buck and turned towards the cake. 

"So they said you set a new course record." Bobby said as he walked up behind him. 

"I may have jumped a railing." Buck chuckled until he coughed. 

"You ok?" Bobby asked in concern as Buck tapped his chest with his hand.

"Yeah , probably got some...sm..smoke…" the coughing intensified and he felt a searing pain in his chest. 

"BUCK!" Bobby called out as he backed up a bit. 

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked his way. He was coughing violently now his hands on his chest as he tried in vain to ease the pain and impulse to cough. He felt something in his chest fighting to come up his throat. 

"Buck baby!" Eddie ran over , a plate of cake falling from his hands. 

"E..ed...e.." Buck tried to say his name but the words wouldn't come. 

He felt whatever it was in his chest surge up his throat and out his mouth before his vision went black and he fell. 

Everyone watched in shock as blood poured from his mouth.

Eddie hit his knees , catching Buck as he fell. He eased him back as Hen and Chim rushed over. Eddie felt terror clawing at his heart , this couldn't be happening again. He couldn't lose him. 

"Make sure his airway is clear!" Hen yelled as they ripped his shirt off. 

"Help is on the way." Athena told them. 

"Christopher why don't we go find a game." Eddie heard Maddie tell him and he looked quickly to see that she had made sure he was facing away so he couldn't see.

"There's blood coming from his esophagus. Did he say anything before it happened?" Chim asked as he swept his mouth to make sure it stayed clear.

"No he just started coughing and rubbing his chest." Bobby told them. 

"I think it's a pulmonary embolism. A clot traveled from his leg to his lung." 

"Oh god!" Eddie moaned helplessly. 

"Grab the o2 and set it wide open. I'll place the IV." Hen told him as her and Chim worked together. 

After they placed the IV and got him on oxygen Hen continued to monitor his vitals. Within minutes the ambo rolled up and they loaded Buck up. 

"I got Christopher , go!" Maddie told Eddie as he rushed by , tears in her eyes.

So much for a celebration.

@@@

"You had an embolism. We'll put you on blood thinners to prevent any more clots and keep you so we can find out why you developed a clot in the first place." The ER doc was telling him. 

"So when can I go home and back to work?" 

"Hmph." Maddie huffed from her place at his bedside , Eddie with her.

"It could be a few days till we release you , depending on the tests." The dr said and walked off. 

"He didn't say about work." Buck pouted.

"How about you worry about not DYING before you worry about work!" Maddie snapped. 

"I'm gonna go tell the others what they said." Eddie said kissing Buck before making his escape. 

"I'm fine. They have me on meds and I'm in the hospital." 

"You vomited blood all over Bobby and Athena's back porch." 

"I don't remember that." Buck looked at her.

"Yeah , right in front of Christopher. Think you can worry about being healed before getting hurt again." 

"I only felt some aching and considering I've been training for the revals and all I figured that was it."

"Well , next time we might not be right there." Maddie said tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." 

"Just don't do that again. Me , Eddie and Christopher can't take it." Maddie smiled at him. 

"Athena is never gonna invite me over again." Buck said in horror. 

@@@

"Did you tell Athena I was really sorry about the blood? I can pay for cleaning if she wants." Buck asked Bobby as they walked around the hospital.

"She's more worried about you honestly. The blood washed right off." 

"I'm glad. I don't like her angry with me." 

"Should you be walking around?" Bobby asked as they started another lap. 

"They want me moving. Said they weren't sure but it may have formed from one of the surgeries." 

"Well , that's good I guess." 

"Yeah , oh do I need them to send paperwork over or something?" Buck turned to walk backwards as he asked. 

"For?" Bobby asked confused.

"Work. Have they said when I work? No one sent me my schedule." Buck bounced excitedly. 

"Umm...that's something we need to talk about. You can't work while on blood thinners." 

"What...what are you saying?" Buck swallowed against the lump in his throat.

"They want you to finish getting checked out and then once your cleared of more clots you come back on light duty." 

"Light... _ light duty?! _ " 

Buck stood there , jaw clenching and trying to control his anger. They had the nerve to suggest light duty. He had done everything to get back and one little setback and he was treated like glass. He had worked so hard.

"I belong with my team. Out there with you guys , being a firefighter is  _ my life! _ Not pushing papers at some  _ desk _ ." 

"I know and that's not going to be forever. You get the clots figured out and cleared by the Dr and in a few months you can come off light duty." 

"A  _ few  _ months!" 

"It's not that long. Right now it's too dangerous for you to be put in the field on the blood thinners. If something happens…" 

"I'd have help right there." Buck snapped.

"And take help from someone else?" 

Buck stood there running it through his mind. There had to be some argument he could use to get them to let him back. He was so close to being back. This couldn't be happening. He felt his breathing picked up as he realized how true what Bobby said was. 

He wasn't going back for months. He couldn't do it again. 

"I quit." He whispered and turned to go back to his room ignoring Bobby. 

"No visitors anymore." He told the nurses at the desk. 

@@

"What do you mean no visitors allowed?" Eddie asked. 

"He told us this afternoon that no one was allowed to see him. His wishes will be honored." The nurse told him. 

"Can you ask him about me?" 

"I can call but if he says no that's final." 

She picked up the phone and dialed his room. It took a few rings but he finally answered. 

"Mr. Buckley I know you said no visitors but there's an Eddie Diaz asking to...yes…alright." She hung up. 

"He said he just wants some time alone. He'll call you later." 

"Thank you." Eddie said and turned to leave. 

@@

Eddie waited for the phone to ring but he didn't. He had a shift the next day and resolved to calling him and making sure they talked. He knew Buck was upset but he was pushing everyone away. 

"He let you in to see him?" Chim asked as Eddie walked up the stairs. 

"Nope. Said he'd call but he didn't." 

"This is bad. He's cutting himself off." Hen sighed. 

"I know he's upset but he has to understand it's too dangerous. He can come back in a few months when he's ready." Bobby said. 

"That's harsh. All he keeps hearing is not yet. He's been working so hard to be back." Eddie knew he had been fighting so hard for this. 

"You can't rush this." 

"But he's lost without us. He was nothing in his marriage and then he came here and became a firefighter. Now he's losing that." Hen pointed out. 

"He can get through it. He's strong." Bobby told them. 

@@

Eddie got off shift the next afternoon and immediately dialed the hospital. Only they told him Buck was discharged the night before. He hadn't called to let them know. Eddie didn't like how this was going. He tried his cell and got no answer. 

So he hopped in the truck , shooting his Abuela a text telling her he'd be by to pick up Christopher. He was getting answers and he wasn't above using his son to do it. 

"Is Buck ok daddy?" Christopher asked as they crept in the house using his key. 

"Yeah. He just needs to rest. I'll make us dinner and then in the morning we can see how he's feeling and you can spend the day with him." Eddie pecked him on the head and walked to the kitchen. 

They had dinner and Eddie gave him a bath. They went through their nighttime routine , being extra quiet so they didn't disturb Buck. But. Eddie vowed first thing the next morning they would talk about what Buck was doing as he crawled in bed with him. 

"Time to get up." He said as he pulled the covers back to reveal Buck passed out on his stomach. 

"What are you doing here?" Buck muttered. 

"I live here , but I'm also here to get you up and figure out why you're ignoring me." Eddie told him. 

"I just need time alone to process." Buck pulled the covers back up 

"No , you need family." Eddie said as he flipped the covers back off of him. 

"What do you know?" 

"I saw plenty of this with guys I served with. You know men who lost limbs and friends." Eddie glared. 

"Fine I'm up. Happy." Buck stood and made his way down the hall in his tank , pajama pants and socks. 

"Hey Buck." Christopher said as Buck made it to the kitchen. 

"Christopher!" Buck startled. 

"He wanted to spend the day with his Buck." Eddie said as he walked over to hug him. 

"But I…" 

"You really going to tell him no?"

Buck looked at Christopher sitting on the couch and felt his heart ache. He couldn't hurt Christopher. No matter how down he felt he never acted it. And he had reason to feel down. What reason did Buck have? He had to sit behind a desk instead of running into a burning building?

"Yeah , there you go. I knew you could get there. I have to get going , I'm back on shift. Have fun , I love you both." 

@@

Eddie thought after shift he'd do some shopping for stuff Buck can eat while on blood thinners. Knowing his state of mind he wouldn't know that some foods mess with blood thinners. The alarm going off ended his thoughts.

"What do we have?" Bobby asked as they entered the nursing home.

"Finally! My father locked himself in his room and no one can open it." A man said. 

"I keep telling you sir the door is not the problem." A maintenance worker said 

"How does your father need help?" Eddie asked.

"He had some kind of rash or something on his stomach. Before we got a good look at it he ran in there and locked the door." The woman he supposed was the daughter told them. 

"They are right sir. Something is pushed against the door." Bobby said as he checked the door. 

"Told you." The guy glared at the man and walked off. 

"Sir we need to check you out at least." Bobby said through the door. 

"Go away!" The man yelled from his room. 

"Chim you go around and come in the window while I keep him occupied. 

Chim nodded and took off. Eddie looked to the man's kids. Bobby continued to talk to the man through the door , he had opened the flap to speak so they could at least she his face. 

"Dammit." The man said when Chim made it into the room. 

They got into the man's room and him to agree to be looked at. His kids and him bitching the whole time. Eddie could only shake his head. 

"It's just a rash." The man insisted. 

"Let's look at it." Hen said and the man opened his robe. 

"Oh god!" Eddie said as he saw the red oozing rash above the waistband of his boxers. 

"Does this go under your boxers too?" Hen asked. 

"Kind of." The old man looked a little sheepish. 

"Ok let's get them off and see what we're working with." Hen told him with a smile , one that looked like a grimace. 

The man stood in a huff and pulled his boxers down. The rash went from his belly button down to below his genitals. It was red and riddled with pus filled boils. Honestly it was a miracle it hadn't fallen off yet. 

"Sir, that is a  _ very _ bad STD. I'd say donovanosis. It's flesh eating. If you let it go too long it will make your penis fall off." Chim explained as he looked at the ceiling to avoid looking at the infected area less he gag.

"We'll need to know who you've been seeing also sir." Bobby said. 

"A gentleman never kisses and tells." 

"Dad your dick might fall off , you might want to let her know she could be rotting from the inside." His daughter pleaded. 

"If you won't tell us then we'll figure it out." Eddie said as he walked out to the common room where everyone else was gathered. 

"Your attention please. This man has a very bad flesh eating STD. He won't name names so if you've been with him you need to get checked out. Raise your hand." 

For a moment there was no one willing to admit. Then a woman raised her hand and Eddie was about to say something but before he could speak another and another raised their hands. By the time they were done at least fifteen were raised. 

"What about the men who slept with the women who were with him?" A guy asked and a dozen men voiced their agreement. 

"What goes on in this place?!" The son yelled. 

@@

"So what do you want for breakfast bud?" Buck asked after Eddie had left. 

"Pancakes." Christopher smiled at him. 

"Pancakes or  _ pancakes? _ " 

"PANCAKES!" Christopher yelled. 

"Well , let's get dressed and head out. Those pancakes won't come to us." Buck told him and they went to get dressed. 

Maria's house of pancakes was downtown. He had taken Eddie and Christopher there once before. Christopher was on a mission to try every crazy order they had. All the fruit and whipped cream piled on it he could stand. He took a pic and sent it to Eddie , letting him know that they were having fun. 

“After this I want to take you to the pier.” Buck told him as they ate. 

“I would love that. Dad hasn’t taken me there yet.” Christopher smiled at him. 

@@

They rode the rides , Buck being too tall for some of them and having to watch as Christopher got on some. As long as they were safe for him alone. They played games and ate cotton candy. He was sure that Eddie was going to kill him , but he was truly enjoying his time with Christopher. 

It was the best he had felt in months.

So of course the world had to kick him in the nuts. Some guy in a costume had collapsed , not that Buck had noticed. At least not until the ambo rolled up and then there were rescue workers everywhere. He felt a pang of longing as he watched the scene. 

“Buck!” Christopher said in exasperation. 

“Yeah , bud.” Buck said , returning his attention back to Christopher. 

He was holding up the giant teddy bear he had won with a smile on his face. Buck grabbed it and hefted it onto his shoulder He lead them toward a set of benches along the railings overlooking the ocean. He took a seat , the bear next to him and Christopher standing on the bench looking out at the ocean. 

“What’s wrong Buck?” he asked him after minutes of silence. 

“I was just thinking about things.” 

“Like what?” 

“Work. I miss it and wish I was back at your dad’s side right now. I like keeping him safe.” 

“It will all work out , Buck. Daddy won’t leave you behind. He loves you.” 

“I know that bud.” 

“You’ll be just fine. Maybe you can ask dad to marry you while you’re out of work. Then you could be with us forever.” 

“Oh , yeah. That what you want , huh?” 

“I want you to be my other dad. And I know dad would like it too.” 

“When did you get so smart about things?” Buck chuckled. 

“I was born that way.” 

“Yeah , you sure were little man.” 

“Hey , Buck. Where did all the water go?” Christopher asked , bringing Buck out of his thoughts about marrying Eddie. 

“What do you mean?” Buck stood and turned to see , never letting go of Christopher. 

“We have to get out of here!” Buck whispered in horror as he saw the water receding far out into the bay. 

In the distance there was a huge wave racing toward shore. Buck felt terror like he had never known before , not when Doug was beating him to death or when he finally got the courage to leave. He grabbed Christopher and threw him over his shoulder , leaving the bear behind he turned and ran back up the pier. 

“RUN! EVERYONE OFF THE PIER!” he yelled , knowing that they would never make it. 

Eddie was going to be so mad. 


	2. Lost and Found

Water. 

Everywhere.

His lungs burned with the lack of oxygen. His body wanted to open his mouth and inhale deeply. He wanted to claw his throat open and scream. Anything to stop the burning. 

He had watched Titanic , read the Perfect Storm. He had always wondered how that would feel. To be trapped beneath the water , slowly losing control until his body took over and forced him to breath even when his mind knew there was no air, only water.

He felt his body rolling and tumbling. He had given up fighting toward the surface. He no longer knew where it was. Or Christopher. 

Christopher , God he wanted to open his mouth and scream. End it all right there. He had one job , keep him safe. But he was ripped from his arms by the water , carried far from him. He couldn't face Eddie if he was gone. 

He felt things in the water beat and batter and scrape by him. He was reaching that point. The involuntary gasp. He closed his eyes and thought of Christopher , his smiling face as they had played games and laughed. Of Eddie. The love in his eyes , the way he focused on him as they made love. The feeling of safety and true love. 

He was ready. 

Just when he thought his body was going to do it , open his mouth and let the flood of water in he broke the surface. Air flooding his lungs as the water carried him down the street. He was far inland now , the pier and Christopher miles behind him. 

"Christopher!" He yelled as soon as his lungs were filled. 

It was a long shot , but as long as he wasn't dead he was going to find him. Nothing and no one mattered more. He reached up and snagged ahold of a string of lights that ran across the roadway. 

"CHRISTOPHER!" He bellowed. 

_ "Buck!"  _ A small voice said and he was sure he was hallucinating. 

He whipped his head back and forth searching the area, eyes roaming over the debris and damage and destruction. Searching for Christopher, for the voice that had called out in the silence, in the destruction.

Finally he saw him , small and fragile clinging to a pole. His heart raced , elated that he had found him , terrified that he would lose his grip before he could reach him. 

"Hold on , I'm coming!" He yelled and swam as hard as he could , as fast as he could. 

"Buck , I'm slipping!" 

Buck let the current propel him he just tried to steer his body to Christopher. He was almost there. At the last second when he reached out , stretching his body as far as it would go his fingers brushed against Christopher's shirt and he felt panic.

"Hold on Christopher!" Buck yelled as he latched onto debris piled on the sides of the street. 

Once he was secure on his perch he turned to look at the small boy he loved. He knew that because of his disability swimming was hard for him. He would have to time it right , or he could lose him below the water forever. 

"When I say so I want you to let go. I'm going to catch you.” Buck told him calmly.

“Okay Buck.” Christopher whimpered.

“On three. One , two . three.” Buck told him and he watched as he let go of the pole.

Christopher struggled to keep his head above the water. It was only a few seconds before Buck was pushing off the debris and reaching for him , but to Christopher it felt like forever. He had never been good at swimming , he couldn’t get his legs to work properly to keep him upright. Buck latched onto to his flailing right arm and pulled him to his shoulder , hoisting him higher out of the water. 

“I got you buddy.” Buck told him using one arm to steer them to a solid place to get out of the water. 

Up ahead he saw a fire truck , not his but one all the same. He kicked his legs harder and angled them toward the truck. He made it , bumping along the side as he lifted Christopher up and nearly throwing Christopher on top of the truck before he slipped below the water again.

“Buck!” Christopher screamed as he disappeared. 

“I’m alright.” Buck sputtered as he resurfaced and grabbed the side mirror before he was swept away. 

“I want you up here with me.” Christopher said , shaking in the breeze.

“I’m working on it buddy.” Buck told him as he tried to slot his foot on the door below the water to boost himself up. 

“Look out!” Christopher pointed toward a floating barge of trees and debris heading straight toward Buck. 

Buck felt his feet slip on the metal side of the door as he frantically tried to get out of the way. Right as the debris was inches from him he found the window lip on the door and pushed up. He landed next to Christopher , his heart beating wildly in his chest. 

“Are you ok?” he asked Christopher as he sat up. 

“Yeah , I’m cold though.” 

Buck pulled him to the middle of the fire truck , in the recess where the firehose went and tucked him to his side. He rubbed his arms to try to create some friction heat. He looked around at all the destruction the water had created. He didn’t even recognize where he was. Eddie was gonna be so pissed at him. 

@@@@@@@@@@@

Eddie looked at the unbelievable amount of water that was now inland as they raced out toward the ferris wheel. They were on the rubber dinghies the station used during water rescues. He couldn’t believe that a Tsunami had hit L.A. This was something that happened in other countries , not here. 

Thank God Buck wasn’t here. He was with Christopher which meant that he didn’t have to worry about the two of them.

“How the hell does this happen?” he said. 

“Well , somewhere out there there was a wave that started and as it gained speed it ran out of land and was forced to grow up , pushing all this water inland.” 

“I know how they work. I meant how did it get this far this fast. Isn’t there some kind of warning in place?” Eddie asked. 

“There is supposed to be , but since the state deems them too rare we didn’t get the funding.” Bobby sneered at the bureaucratic bullshit. 

They made it to the ferris wheel , there were people still in the seats , on the sides clinging to the rigging and floating on piles of debris. They stopped next to the ferris wheel , securing the boat to it so they didn’t end up stranded. 

“Eddie get up there and see what kind of injuries we have , we’ll take the ones down here.” Bobby told him. 

“You gonna get up here and help or I gotta do it all myself?” a woman in uniform stuck her head over the side of one of the carts. 

“You heard the lady.” Bobby nodded. 

Eddie climbed up the ferris wheel till he reached the woman. She was a dirty blond , hair flying out of here ponytail. She was moving through victims with practiced ease. Eddie noticed her station number on her gear. 

“Hey , I’m Diaz from the 118.” 

“Bosko from the 136.”

Together they cleared the few victims on the ferris wheel. One was a serious injury. A couple celebrating divorce and recreating their first date. The man was knocked down and hit his neck on the glass side of the cart. He was lucky he wasn’t dead or paralyzed. 

“That was weird. Never seen someone so happy to be divorced.” Bosko said as they got the guy off. 

“It’s possible if it was something they both want.”

“Sounds like you have experience.” 

“I was married. We were going to get a divorce , but she died before that could happen.”

“That must be hard. I’m sorry.” 

“It wasn’t that bad for me. My son got the worst of it.” 

“You have a son?” she asked.

“Yeah I do. Got a problem?” Eddie snapped back , not used to the shock about him being a father since he introduced the fire fam to Christopher. 

“No. Kids aren’t my thing , but I’m not begrudging you.”

“Eddie , return wave. Get out of there!” Bobby yelled up as the ferris wheel started to shudder. 

They hurried over the side of the cart and down the rigging. The other boats were racing back toward the city as the ferris wheel started to tilt. 

They made it into the boat and out of the way before it went completely over. Eddie watched as it sank below the surface. He was glad that Buck was still out of work so he wouldn't have to worry about him in this mess. 

"So you were on the pier when the wave hit?" Eddie asked Lena.

"Yeah. I lost the others in my crew though." 

"We'll give you a ride back in and maybe you can find them." 

"Thanks Captain." Lena told Bobby as they made their way through the waterlogged streets. 

Eddie watched as she favored her right side , protecting her left. He knew that move , had done it a few times when he was nursing some injury or other. She was hurt and she wasn’t telling. He could understand her reasoning. If Buck or any of the team were lost in this mess , he would tear through the city until he found them.

Thankfully his team was safe. Buck and Christopher were safe far from here. 

“You can get checked out at the field hospital they set up.” Eddie told her. 

“I don’t need to be checked out.” she growled at him. 

“I beg to differ.” Eddie said poking at her left side. 

“Shit!” she hissed and pulled away. 

They took a transport to the field hospital from the water’s edge. The boats were bringing victims in and trucks were waiting to ferry them to the makeshift hospital in a shut down hospital to be assessed and treated. Chim had told them that Maddie had set it up. 

_ “You’ve reached Buck. You know what to do. Love ya Eddie.”  _ Eddie sighed as he hung up. He figured the cell service was messed up thanks to the Tsunami. 

“Trying to reach someone?” Lean asked. 

“My son , he’s with Buck , but I’m sure that they are safe inland. He was watching him for the day. He has CP and Buck’s been out of work.” 

“He’s the guy that was trapped under the firetruck right? That shit was insane.” 

“Yeah , he’s been doing rehab to get back. Was all set to come back when he had an embolism at his celebration party. Now he’s pissed they want to keep him on light duty.”

“Don’t blame him. Nothing worse than being a rescuer with no one to rescue.” 

They made it to the hospital as the sun was beginning to set. Eddie was ready for his shift to be over so he could go home and spend some cuddle time on the couch with his boys. He checked Lena in , sure that if he left her to do it she would skip out. She seemed stubborn enough to do it. 

@@@@@@

Buck had managed to rescue not only himself and Christopher , but around twelve other people. They were all sitting on the roof of the fire truck , waiting. He knew the plan. They would organize watercraft and start picking them up street by street. All they had to do was wait. 

“I spy with my little eye something red.” Buck said. 

“The fire truck!” Christopher yelled with a laugh. 

“You got it again Buddy. You rock at this game.” Buck told him. 

Christopher had warmed up as they dried. Buck had decided they should play a game to pass the time and keep his mind off all the shit that was happening. There hadn’t been anymore people come floating by since the last ones he had saved with the firehose. 

“Oh my God!” someone whispered in horror and Buck whipped his head up. 

He saw the bodies floating down the street toward them. He wasn’t surprised , this was going to have a high body count. There was no way around that. Water is one of the most destructive forces in high volumes. 

“Hey , let’s find things over this way. We haven’t had any this way yet.” Buck said as he positioned Christopher with his back to the bodies as they floated by.

He was worried about Eddie and the 118. They would be out here working the scene , helping people like them who were caught in it. Knowing his luck Eddie was going to be the one who found them. Then he would have to explain why his son was nearly killed. 

Eddie was never gonna let him take Christopher out again. 

Buck turned to check on the progress of the bodies. They had gone by already. He wanted to keep Christopher from seeing as much as possible. He looked at the water , it had been mostly calm , flowing slowly but now it was picking up speed. 

"Everybody hold on. The return wave is coming." He told everyone and hugged Christopher tight to his body. 

The increasing water started to shift the truck. It was mainly stuck on the debris underwater but that could all move. The truck shifted and one of the survivors he had pulled from the water fell off the front of the truck screaming. 

"Stay right here. I have to help." Buck told Christopher as he moved to help them pull the man back on. 

They had his hands but couldn't get him up. Buck slipped into an open spot and tried to pull him up. The man flailed his hands trying to crawl his way up and slipped from them completely. 

"Find another car or tree to get out of the water." Buck yelled as the man floated further away. 

"Christopher?!" Buck looked around in panic when he didn't see the boy. 

Everyone shook their heads. Buck's heart dropped , he had been right there in his arms and he lost him. He screwed up again. He had no other choice. 

He was finding him or going to die trying. 

He jumped off the truck , not even thinking about hitting anything under the water. Christopher was all he was thinking about. Thankfully he missed banging his head off a car or something.

The only thing he hit was a piece of metal protruding out that was part of a roof that had been ripped off. He didn't even feel it as it slid along his arm , slicing a thin line across it. 

He swam through the streets yelling as the water got shallower as it was pulled back out to sea. He helped people here and there , mostly just told them to find a safe spot and ride it out. Help would come. 

He felt his throat burn and ache. Between the water he swallowed and the yelling , it was taking a beating. But he couldn't stop. Not until he found him or was sure he was lost forever. 

He choked back tears at the thought of losing him forever and kept on swimming. 

@@@

Christopher had hit the water on his back. He hadn't closed his mouth fast enough and swallowed some water. The current had carried him quickly away from Buck. 

When he broke the surface sputtering the water from his lungs he didn't even see the truck anymore. He knew that swimming was useless. 

So he concentrated on floating. His body could do that. 

He floated wherever the water took him. If he came close enough he would grab onto something. He was okay as long as he kept his head up. 

Buck would find him. Him or daddy. 

"Oh my God! Are you okay kid?" A woman yelled after a while of floating. 

"I lost my dad." He told her. 

She jumped into the water and grabbed him. Together they made their way back to an overturned boat. She pushed him up and then crawled over herself. 

"I'm Ileana." She said with a smile. 

"I'm Christopher Anthony Diaz." He told her. 

"Are you hurt anywhere?" She looked him over. 

"No. My legs look like that because I have Cerebral palsy. 

"My cousin had that. I guess you lost your crutches?" 

"When the wave came we were on the pier and my dad Buck picked me up and we ran. We got separated but he found me again. But I fell off the truck." 

"I'm sorry Christopher. I'm sure he's ok. You'll be back with him soon. What about your mom?" 

"She died a few months ago." 

"I'm sorry to hear that." 

"Are you folks alright?" Two men in a jon boat asked as they came down the street. 

"Yes. Thank God." The woman said. 

"Let's get you and your boy to shore." They said and helped them into the boat. 

"Are you firefighters?" Christopher asked. 

"No we just had a boat and wanted to help." 

They made their way back through the streets to the landing point closest to them. Christopher looked around hoping to spot Buck. 

"Tell me about your dad." The woman said as they got closer to shore. 

"He's working. Me and dad Buck were at the pier because he got hurt at work and has to stay home right now. He's the best at winning games." 

"He sounds awesome. I'm sure he was picked up." 

"You folks can walk to the field hospital they set up. It's about a mile in on your right. Someone might be able to give you a ride but the streets are pretty messed up this way." One of the guys told them. 

"Thank you." 

"No problem ma'am. You take care now." He said as they dropped them at the launch point. 

"Can you walk or do I need to carry you?" Ileana asked him. 

"My legs aren't very strong from trying to swim earlier." Christopher told her sadly. 

"It's ok. I can carry you." She scooped him up in her arms and they started walking. 

@@@@

Eddie stood there at the desk inside the field hospital waiting to get Lena seen. He looked around at all the people on beds as the doctors rushed to and fro. There was a woman and a child , he was about Christopher’s age. Eddie watched as he sat on the cot next to his mother he presumed and coughed. 

“He remind you of your son?” Lena asked as she followed where he was looking. 

“Kind of.” Eddie said as the coughing intensified. 

It did make him think of Christopher a little , he was thankful that he and Buck were far from here. But it was more the coughing was bothering him , tickling at some knowledge that he had tucked away in the back of his mind. Suddenly the coughing intensified and the boy fell to the ground. 

“I need some help here!” Eddie yelled as he hit his knees the floor and he slid to the boy. 

He turned him on his side , Lena looking over his shoulder and doctors rushing to him. The boys mother was crying and screaming as the boy seemed to choke. Eddie swiped his fingers in his mouth and felt something slimy. He grasped it and began to pull. As he pulled a long piece of seaweed out water splashed out onto the floor. 

“Oh my god. Thank you.” his mother said as the boy began breathing better. 

“Let’s get him up. On three! One , two and three.” Eddie said as they lifted him onto a gurney. 

“That was a good catch. You an EMT?” a doctor said as they wheeled the boy away.

“Firefighter , but I was a medic in the Army.” 

“Think you can stay and help us out , we’re kind of understaffed.” 

“Yeah , I just show me where to wash up.” Eddie said. 

“That was delayed secondary drowning wasn’t it?” Lena asked. 

“Yeah , it seemed familiar. Guess you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.” Eddie said as he turned to go find the wash station. 

@@@

Buck walked through the calf deep water , eyes raking over every surface , hoping to see that yellow striped shirt Christopher was wearing. He had swam what felt like miles and hadn’t seen or heard him at all. He was getting more desperate as it got later and later without finding him. He was trying to hold it together , but he was close to shattering. 

“Help , there’s a kid over here!” someone yelled. 

“Let’s get this off. Lift!” Buck yelled as he ran over to a piece of debris covering small legs. 

His heart was racing , please let this be him. He needed to find him and he needed him to be alright. They lifted the piece off and flipped it over and away. Buck looked down and felt his heart break. It wasn’t him. It was a girl about the same height. He looked around at the other people gathered. 

“Please , I’m looking for a little boy about eight years old , he has CP Cerebral Palsy and he was wearing a yellow striped shirt and glasses. Have you seen him?!” he pleaded. 

“No , I’m sorry.” 

“There was a group with a kid headed further inland. They said there was a field hospital.” 

“Thank you!” Buck said as was off. 

“Hey , you’re bleeding man!” someone yelled after him , but all he could think about was Christopher. 

@@

Christopher was tired and cold and sore. He wanted Buck and his dad and his bed. They had been walking for a while , Ileana hadn’t complained about his weight at all. They were walking toward where someone had told them a hospital was. He knew if he made it there he could tell them who his dad was and he’d come get him. 

He just didn’t want to leave without Buck.

They had been the only ones at first , but as they walked further they picked up more and more people. Now they were a crowd , plowing along at a slow steady pace. He was so tired he kept drifting off. Suddenly there was a huge explosion and they all stopped. Christopher snuggled against Ileana and felt his eyes drooping again. 

“We’re going to need more mail trucks.” he heard someone say before he fell asleep.

@@

Buck made it to the field hospital after dark fell. He had stopped long enough to wrap the cut on his arm , but then he was back searching again. He had found Christopher’s glasses. He had gone by someone directing people to hospitals and asked about Christopher. All the people in the flood zone were being taken to this place. He had felt dizzy now and then , but he hadn’t given up. He walked up to the first person who looked like they knew what was going on. A woman with a clipboard. 

“Christopher Diaz , he’s eight.” he stuttered out. 

“I don’t have anyone by that name. Check over there at the black tent.” she said apologetically. 

“Black tent , but isn’t that the…” 

“The morgue , yes.” she said grimly. 

She went about her business , Buck looked over at the tent. It seemed to loom over him , this physical manifestation of his fear. If Christopher was in there , if he saw his small body lying there on a cot waiting for a black bag. He didn’t think he could handle that. He felt a scream building in his throat and his breath become shallower. He needed help. 

He found a phone , took it outside and found a semi-quiet place to call. He dialed the number with shaking hands and waited as it rang. He felt tears beginning to pool in his eyes and he blinked them back. He couldn’t fall apart yet. 

“Hello?” she answered. 

“Mads. I need your help.” 

“Buck? I’m kind of busy with the tsunami , I know you probably want to help , but you know you can’t.”

Maddie , I’m down here.” 

“Dammit Buck , you need to be at home! You’re on blood thinners.” Maddie scolded.

“MADS! I was at the pier.” 

“What?!” 

“I was at the pier with Christopher. I had him on a firetruck , but then another wave came through and he fell off and he’s gone Mads. I need you to help find him.” 

“Oh my God Buck. We set up a field hospital make your way there.” 

“I’m here right now. I asked , but they don’t have him. Then that woman she said I should check the black tent and God I can’t go in there Mads. I can’t find him lying there , all life gone from him.” 

“Ok , Buck does Eddie know?” 

“No , I lost my phone and I just need to find him then I can find Eddie ok.” Buck pleaded. 

“Buck , you have to tell him his son is missing. I can see where he is.” 

“No , I..oh shit.” Buck ducked behind a tent as he sees Eddie come out of the main hospital. 

“What Buck? Talk to me.” 

“He’s here , Eddie’s here. I can’t face him.” Buck started crying. 

“You have to. He’s going to understand.” 

“How the hell is he going to understand that I took his son and lost him? That I possible killed him?” Buck asked frantically. 

“Buck?” Eddie’s voice interrupted his freak out. 

Buck turned to look at him , eyes wide. He heard Maddie tell him that she was on her way and he just let the hand with the phone fall next to him. Eddie was looking at him like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

“Eddie…” 

“What...are you okay...where’s Christopher?” Eddie looked around as though he thought Christopher was hiding behind him.

“We...God Eddie we were at the pier. I had him in my arms on a fire truck , but there was another wave...I swear that I have looked everywhere.” Buck began sobbing. 

Eddie looked at him as he listened to the words coming from his mouth he felt his hearing fade. There was no way this was real. Buck wasn’t standing here telling him that he had lost his son , that Christopher had been in this. He couldn’t lose his son. He felt like someone was crushing his heart. 

“Eddie...please say something.” Buck pleaded as he waited for screaming , punches anything. 

“Buck , I…” Eddie began , but he caught a fleet of mail trucks pulling in behind him and people piling out. 

Hen , Chim and Bobby were there and he couldn’t believe that everyone was going to see his breakdown. His son might be dead , his boyfriend had put him in this situation. He knew logically that Buck couldn’t predict a tsunami , but this was his son. He was about to let it all out when he saw a woman carrying a child. 

“Christopher….” he whispered. He knew that little body cradled in her arms , it had been in his the same way. 

He ran toward her , sure that it was his son. She saw him coming and smiled. Christopher was nuzzling her shoulder the way he did when he was waking up. He was so damn torn. He was afraid and overjoyed and angry and happy all at once. 

“Christopher.” he said as he reached them. 

“Daddy.” the sweetest little voice said. 

“You must be Buck.” she said.

“No , I’m his father Eddie.” 

“Dad I lost Buck. He kept me safe , but then I fell and I tried to find him , but I couldn’t. I’m so sorry.” 

“He’s fine bud , he’s over there.” Eddie said as he pulled him into a hug. He looked over to check on Buck. 

Buck watched Eddie hug him tight and felt as though everything that had been keeping him going was suddenly gone. He knew it was the adrenaline and shock wearing off. His vision swam , both from the tears and the dizziness. 

“Buck are you ok?” Bobby asked as the others walked up.

He couldn’t answer. Bobby followed his line of sight and saw Eddie crouched there with Christopher and understood. He turned to look back at Buck , wondering what the hell they had been through. Hen and Chim were on either side of him and Bobby was grateful when he saw Buck’s eyes flutter slightly. 

“Whoa!” Chim yelled as Buck just crumpled. 

Hen and Chim caught him and lowered him gently to a cot. Buck was barely there with them. He kept his gaze fixed on Eddie and Christopher. He felt as though if he looked away he would disappear. He kept his gaze until his eyes fell shut as he passed out. 

“Buck!” Eddie shouted as he watched the scene unfold. He scooped Christopher up and ran to his side. 

“He’s ok for now. He just passed out.” Bobby told him. 

“Shit his arm.” Chim said and they all looked to where the makeshift bandage was dripping blood. 

“Let’s get him checked out. Eddie get Christopher looked over too.” Bobby told them as they headed inside. 

@@

Eddie reluctantly left Buck with the others while Christopher got checked out. They put him on a bed near Lena who had a cracked rib. She tried to talk to him , but Eddie was focused on getting Christopher cleared so they could go to Buck again. Christopher had fallen back to sleep while they waited. 

“Hey , we have to go back and help , but Buck’s on a bed waiting for the doc once he wakes up.” Bobby told him as they came by before heading out. 

“Any word on my team?” Lena asked. 

“They all got picked up earlier. Athena just radioed in she was coming with your captain. She had to take his arm though.” Bobby told her. 

Eddie wished they would hurry up and check Christopher out. He needed to be there for Buck. 

@@@

Buck came to on a bed. He knew that he was at the field hospital and that Christopher had been found. He looked around , but no one was there. He felt his heart drop. Did that mean that something was wrong with Christopher? 

“Mr. Buckley. We patched up your arm and got you a good dose of antibiotics. Keep the wound clean and bandaged tight and you’ll be just fine.” the doctor said when he came over. 

“What about Christopher Diaz?” Buck asked. 

“He’s doing fine. A few scrapes , nothing serious.” 

_ So that was that.  _ Buck thought. They hadn’t been here with him because they knew that he had gotten Christopher into this. They blamed him. That was the only thing he could think of for why he was alone. He felt his heart drop. He should get out of here. He didn’t want to be yelled out in front of all these people. He slowly got up from the cot and made his way out the nearest exit. 

He passed through and onto the street without seeing anyone. He was trying to decide where to go. His car had been at the pier so he was sure that was long gone by now. He and Maddie had practically given up the apartment. Although the landlord had offered to get them another in a different building. 

First he needed his clothes , then in the morning he could call the landlord and tell him he was ready for the other apartment. He felt his heart break as he started walking toward Eddie’s house. 

It took him two hours but he made it there and started packing his clothes. 

@@

Finally they released Christopher and they could go check on Buck. Eddie picked him up and carried him through the halls looking for Buck. He made a complete circle and couldn’t find him anywhere. He flagged down a nurse. 

“I’m looking for Buckley , Evan Buckley.” 

“It looks like he checked out about two hours ago.” 

Eddie was at a loss. Why would he leave? Maybe he wanted to get home and get things ready for Christopher to come home. Buck was sweet like that. Having gotten beat to hell himself and still think about others. 

“Dad , where’s Buck?” Christopher asked. 

“He probably went home. Let’s go find him.” Eddie told him. 

He nodded to Bobby as they passed him and found a cab company taking people where they needed to go for free. He found one that was going to his part of town and he and Christopher hopped in. The ride took a long while , they had to go slow between services helping out and people trying to get out of the area the roads were crowded. 

They made it home and Eddie sighed as he saw the lights on. He thanked the cabby and carried Christopher inside. Buck wasn’t in the living room when he came through. He put Christopher in bed and then walked to their room. He was so tired and ready to curl up with Buck. 

“What…” he said as he came into the room and saw Buck stuffing a duffle. 

“I thought I’d be out before you came back.” Buck said looking down at his hands. 

“Why are you packing?” Eddie whispered. 

“I know you wanted me out. I just have to wait till morning to call the landlord and get another apartment.” 

“I don’t want you out Buck.” 

“You aren’t mad at me?” Buck looked at the ground , eyes tearing up. 

“Babe , why would I be mad at you?” 

“I lost him and he could have died!” Buck snapped at him. 

“Oh , honey. It was a natural disaster , no one could have known. And for your information he says you saved him.”

“But…” 

“No , no buts. I don’t want you gone. I’m not mad at you , I will be if you keep trying to leave us. I love you so much and I can’t believe I nearly lost both of you today and had no idea.” Eddie said and stepped forward to hug Buck. 

“I’m sorry.” Buck said , leaning his head against his. 

“Just stop trying to run from me and we’ll be good.” Eddie smiled and pecked him on the lips. 

“I love you so much.” Buck said as a sob ripped its way out his throat. 

It was all crashing into him at once. He dropped the clothes he was holding and wrapped his arms around Eddie , his hands gripping his shirt in his fists. He cried until the tears wouldn’t come anymore. His hands hurt and his feet were numb , but his heart felt better. 

“You feel better now?” Eddie asked. 

“Yeah , it just got to be so much.” 

“Next time talk to me love.” Eddie kissed him on the forehead. 

“I will.” 

“How about a shower and then we cuddle in bed until Christopher wakes us up?” 

“I really think I’ve had enough water to last a lifetime , but I do feel pretty nasty.” Buck chuckled. 

“I’ve got you baby. In and out.” Eddie reassured him. 

They took a quick shower and Eddie dried him off. Taking the time to catalog every scrape and bruise. He felt fear at the reminders that he could be staring at their bodies in the black tent right now. It was so close , too close to losing him. They crawled in bed after dressing and Eddie curled around Buck’s back , breathing him in and feeling his heartbeat against his palm. Neither really slept , they dozed lightly , waiting for their own nightmares or Christopher’s to wake them. 

But they held tight to each other the whole time. 

It was going to be a long road to recovery. For the city and for them. But they were in it together. Buck turned to Eddie , voicing something he had thought about on the way home. 

“I want to do the light duty. If I can handle this , I can handle light duty.” he told him. 

“That’s my man.” Eddie whispered with a smile.


	3. Fake Fires and Fake Lawsuits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo happy with the new Buddie content! Hope you enjoy this chapter. Also that scene with Buck and Eddie in the kitchen...all I have to say is Simply Irresistible movie belt and sex explanation!

“Why do we have to do these stupid drills all the time?” Hen asked as she watched Eddie hook up the fire hose to the hydrant , helping by handing him tools.

“The city mandates we do them. Helps us improve response times and such.”

“How are we doing on that anyway?” Chim asked as Bobby came up.

“Not great. We’re ten minutes outside our allotted response time. That damn bus.” 

“Someone will have to explain that to our new fire marshal.” Chim said as they all turned to look at Eddie.

“Nope. That’s the Cap’s job.” Eddie smiled at Bobby. 

@@@

“There was a disabled bus blocking the road , we had to reroute and that extended our response time.” Bobby explained. 

“I get that I do , but I have to be impartial. I can put in that you are a man down and maybe they’ll be lenient.” Buck said as he walked behind Bobby with his clipboard. 

At first he had kind of hated the work they wanted him to do. The weeks since the tsunami had been rough. He had constantly felt as though he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He had managed to keep the nightmares from Eddie , it also helped that Eddie had to spend a lot of time sleeping with Christopher. 

Buck had made it commonplace to wake from a nightmare in silence. Doug had taught him that. He dreamed of water nearly every night. Other than that he was worried that Eddie was going to finally blame him. He hadn’t yet. 

He had accepted the light duty and trained with the marshal’s office. He had thought that light duty would mean that he would spend hours indoors. So far he was enjoying that he got to go out in the field. He wasn’t allowed to fight the fires , but he had drills like this and helped with OFI sometimes. He was learning the fire , how it worked and how people forced it to do their bidding.

“You should step it up , don’t want to be any further behind.” Buck said as Bobby walked off. 

“Oww. Ahh. Ugh.” came from the stairwell as a line of people fell down the stairs. 

“Ooohh. That’s not good.” Buck winced as he scribbled on the clipboard as Eddie , Chim and Hen rushed forward. 

@@@

“I saw the whole thing and this is unacceptable. I think you could get millions.” a man said as they loaded a guy who had had a seizure into the ambulance. 

“You might want to wait till he’s inside before you start chasing us.” Hen told the man , a lawyer it turned out. 

Buck hated lawyers. 

@@@

“I’m going to take the report over to the 118.” Buck told his supervisor as he headed out. 

He jumped in the jeep and headed over. He missed being with them. He pulled up in his old parking spot and hopped out. He had spent all his time with Eddie and Christopher , but the others hadn’t been around much since the tsunami. Mainly because there was a lot of cleanup to do. 

“Hey , man this place changed. Did you guys paint or something?” Buck asked as he sauntered through the floor toward the common area. 

“Nope same old place. So the fire marshal delivers the reports in person now?” Bobby asked. 

“I wanted to deliver the good news. I bumped up the numbers a bit , got fancy with the math. You’re good till next time.” Buck handed him the report. 

“Hey , babe.” Eddie said as he walked up with Chim. 

“Dude , you guys don’t get enough of each other at home?” Chim groaned. 

“Hey , Diaz come spot me.” A woman called out. 

“See ya later.” Eddie smiled and walked off toward her. 

Buck watched him walk over to her. She was blonde , hair in a side ponytail and a tank top hugging her voluptuous form. Buck felt a sliver of unease settle in his stomach. He remembered when Eddie first came here , how he had said he didn’t answer to it. 

“Who’s that?” he asked. 

“That’s Lena Bosko. She was with the 136 , her house was in the impact zone so she’s riding with us.” Bobby told him as Chim scoffed and walked off. 

“So she’s my replacement?” Buck’s voice cracked. 

“No , she’s here until you are back and her house is back up and running.” Bobby told him , frowning at the look on Buck’s face as he turned his back to Lena and Eddie. 

“So what’s that?!” Buck pointed at his locker , a piece of tape over all but the B in his name turning it into Bosko. 

“It’s nothing. Look…” Bobby started , but the alarm rang out and cut him off. 

“We’ll talk later.” Bobby said as he made his way to the truck. 

Buck watched everyone scramble to get on the truck. Eddie handed Lena her jacket as they ran together to the truck. Eddie nodded as he went by and Buck tried to smile at him. Lena bumped into him as she followed him. 

“Oops.” she said as Buck rubbed his arm. 

Buck stood there alone as the trucks left the station. He felt his heart ache , he missed them. Bosko was not someone that he was going to get along with. She had to have seen him standing there , unless she had vision problems she had hit him on purpose. It ached.

He stomped over and ripped her name off his locker. 

@@@

The upside to working light duty was that he had regular hours. He got home around five each day and was able to cook them dinner and help Christopher with his homework. He loved the time they spent together. Eddie seemed a lot less stressed as well since he knew that Buck was there to take care of Christopher. 

“How was your shift?” Buck asked as Eddie came in later that night. 

“Fine.” Eddie walked into the kitchen and Buck felt his stomach clench. 

“Is there something wrong?” Buck asked as he walked into the kitchen behind him. 

“I don’t want to get into it with you.” Eddie whispered. 

“I...did I do something wrong?” Buck wrung his hands together. 

“Why did you rip her name off?” 

“I just...it was like she...I was upset and it was stupid.” Buck stuttered out. 

“Yeah , it was. I thought things were getting better since you started light duty.” 

Buck ducked his head. He wanted to explain how she had given him the vibe that she didn’t like him first , that it wasn’t really about his position. But he could see how Eddie would take it. That he was jealous and projecting his own feelings onto her. He couldn’t take him taking her side. 

So he let it go.

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. How about a shower and then bed?” 

“That sounds nice.” Eddie smiled. 

They took a shower together and cuddled on the bed , trading slow kisses and Buck telling him about Christopher’s day. Eddie fell asleep quickly , but Buck lay there for a long time worrying about things. His future with Eddie and the fire department weighing heavy on his mind. 

@@@

“So she ran out the door like it was on fire. I didn’t want to push things. I know that they don’t really talk about their childhood so I have no idea what she’s dealing with you know.” Chim said as Eddie yawns in the locker room. 

“Am I boring you with my drama over here?” Chim snorts. 

“No , man it’s just I’ve been up again dealing with Christopher’s nightmares about the tsunami. He’s been having them nearly nightly since it happened. I sleep in his room so I can be there to help him when he screams himself awake.” 

“That has to be hard. How’s Buck doing?” 

“He’s doing fine. He really is starting to like the Marshal job.” 

“I meant with nightmares and stuff from the tsunami.” Chim says. 

“He doesn’t...doesn’t have them.” Eddie replied thinking as he said it that it was kind of odd. 

“The man who has dealt with an abusive husband , killed said husband when he kidnapped him , was in a tsunami and lost your son hasn’t had a single nightmare?” 

“I think I should back off sleeping with Christopher and pay some more attention to Buck.” Eddie said decisively. 

“Speaking of , there’s the devil now.” Chim pointed out at Buck walking through the station. 

Eddie smiled as he stood and walked out to join his boyfriend with Chim. Buck was talking with Cap about the report from that fake fire and Eddie took a minute to admire Buck’s ass in those tight Fire Marshal pants of his. It was a damn fine ass. 

“Hey babe.” he said as he walked up. 

Buck turned to him and smiled that smile he loved. He ignored Chim and whatever he was saying to look at Buck. He knew what to look for now , signs that Buck wasn’t doing as well as he thought with the aftermath of the tsunami. He did look a little tired , circles under his eyes. 

“Hey , Diaz I need a spot.” Bosko yelled across the floor. 

“See ya later.” He told Buck wishing that he could kiss him , but he was at work. They both were. 

He walked over and began helping Bosko , even though he knew that she was doing just fine without him a minute ago. He wasn’t focusing on her. Instead he was thinking about Buck , if he was having nightmares or trouble sleeping why wasn’t he telling Eddie about them. It made his stomach knot in worry. 

The alarm going off startled him out of his thoughts and he started toward the truck , handing Bosko her jacket as he went out of habit. He passed Buck , who looked so damn forlorn as he watched everyone run off that it made Eddie wish that he could hurry he’s recovery up for him. 

After the call they came back to the firehouse and unloaded. Eddie was still thinking about Buck. He was gone when they got back, of course , he had his own work to do. But Eddie wished he could be at the house with them at least. Like an in house liaison. 

“What the hell?” Bosko said.

He turned to look at her. She was standing at the gear locker , the one that was Buck’s and she had her jacket in her hand. He didn’t get what the issue was at first , then he followed her line of sight. The tape that had the osko part of her name on it was gone. Dammit Buck. 

“I think Buck might have been a little upset about that.” he said. 

“Well , dude needs to chill.” Bosko sneers and Eddie agrees that it was uncalled for. 

Eddie didn’t understand Buck. He knew that he was upset that he had to do light duty , but ripping her name off the locker. That was a little petty even for him. Bosko wasn’t so bad , she was a little in your face , but she wasn’t terrible.

He finishes the rest of his shift and heads home. 

@@

When he makes it home , Christopher has finished his homework and Buck made dinner. He tells him that he shouldn’t have ripped Bosko’s name off the locker and even though Buck tries to excuse it at first he ends up agreeing and promising not to again. 

They eat , get Christopher in bed , take a shower and cuddle till they fall asleep. He wakes around four to whimpers , but they stop before he can even roll over. Once he does he looks at Buck. His eyes are closed and he’s laying kind of stiffly. He scoots closer and lays his head on Buck’s chest. 

He drifts back off to sleep with no problem. In the morning as he’s rushing around to get ready to head out he doesn’t remember the incident at all. 

@@

“Buckley! We need you in the conference room , now.” Chief Edwards yelled as he stuck his head in the room. 

“Coming!” Buck said and jumped up to head to the conference room. 

He wasn’t sure why they wanted him in there. He had been doing good , kept his head down and out of trouble. Made sure that he did his job right and wasn’t missing his work to hang out with OFI. He hoped he wasn’t in trouble. 

“Come in Buckley.” Edwards said as he walked in the door , closing it behind him. 

“What’s this about sir?” he asked as he looked around at the other people in the room. 

“We have a problem. The drill the other day , in the high rise. Well , seems there was a lawyer there , do you know what I’m talking about?” 

“I saw a guy handing out cards , talking about negligence.” Buck replied. 

“That would be him. Well , the LAPD have a file on this guy. He has been accused of skimming lawsuit winnings off clients payouts for himself. Now they’ve tried to get this scumbag , but they can never find the evidence.” 

“We almost had him , but he managed to slip through our fingers when it came out that the money he had in an account was from a dead relative. We need someone on the inside , someone he won’t suspect. That’s where you come in.” an officer said. 

“What can I do?” 

“He’s looking to sue the city on behalf of those clients injured during the fire drill. He has no chance of winning , but if he had a member of the LAFD. One who was feeling upset that he hadn’t been allowed back on duty and was looking for justice. Well , he would trust that person and have a high chance of winning a lot of money.” 

“You want me to work with the lawyer and sue the department?” Buck asked incredulously

“Not only the department , that’s too small. We need you to sue them , the city and your chief.” 

“I...I can’t believe this. I’m not sure if I can do it convincingly.” Buck said. 

“We’ll give you a day or two to think about it.” They told him and started to leave. 

Buck was in shock the rest of his shift. They wanted him to try to hurt the department and Bobby like that. He couldn’t hurt Bobby like that , even if it was all fake. Bobby had been there for him when no one else had. He had been like his father , the one he should have had. He just couldn’t imagine trying to talk about him or his friends like they were evil. He couldn’t sell it.

“Hey , Buckaroo. How are you doing baby?” Athena said knocking him back to reality in the middle of the grocery store. 

“Oh , hi Thena. I’m doing alright.” he said. 

“That’s good. I know you were upset that you were on light duty , but Bobby told me that you have been working with the Marshal’s office.” 

“Yeah , it’s pretty cool. We grade stations during drills , help with OFI investigations sometimes. It’s an interesting new perspective on the job.” 

“Listen , why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? I haven’t seen you in a while and we should catch up.” 

“That would be great. I have to take Christopher to Tia’s house , she’s hosting a cousins sleepover and he’s excited to spend time with them. Eddie’s working a double today so he’ll be at work tonight.” 

“See you tonight then.” she kissed his cheek and walked off. 

He was glad that she had invited him over. After the day he had , he wasn’t looking forward to being alone tonight. He finished getting the groceries so he could get back and help Chris get his stuff packed for his sleepover. 

@@ 

"Greens?" Athena said as she handed the bowl over. 

"I would love to , but I can't. The blood thinners don't react well. I gotta stay in good shape if I'm gonna get them to change their minds." Buck said with a smile. 

"I didn't know that." Athena said apologetically. 

"Yeah , it has too much vitamin K. I really want to show the idiots who think I can't do the job how stupid it is to count me out. I mean they make me so damn mad." Buck started ranting.

Athena shared a look with Bobby. She had thought that he had talked to Buck when he came up to the house. He had told her that he was going to , that Buck deserved to know that it wasn't the higher ups that had blocked him. 

It was Bobby.

"It was me. I'm the idiot!" Bobby said before Buck could start again. 

"What?" Buck whispered. 

"It wasn't the chief that said you couldn't come back while on blood thinners , it was me." Bobby said.

"But...I thought...I thought you were on my side. I worked so hard and…"

"Buck , I just want you to be ready to come back…" 

"I am ready!" Buck yelled as he slammed his hands on the table. 

The dishes clacked together and the glasses threatened to fall. He breathed harshly , trying to calm himself. He had never felt so damn angry. It scared him a little. He needed to go. 

"I'm sorry Athena. Thank you for dinner , but I'm not going to be a good guest at the moment. So I'm gonna head out." 

"Buck , no. Stay and we can talk about this." Bobby said. 

"No , I'm sorry." Buck said and high tailed it out of the house. 

He was in the car and sped out the driveway. He couldn't believe that after all they had been through together , the relationship he thought they had , that Bobby would keep him from his job. His life. 

He had told Bobby that day in the hospital how much this meant to him , how much he needed to be back. And he kept him from coming back , made him think it was the higher ups. He had  _ betrayed _ him. 

_"Hello?"_ He hadn't even realised he had dialed the phone. 

"I'm sorry to call so late , but I came to a decision." Buck started. 

_ "Buckley?"  _

"Yes sir. Chief I made a decision about the undercover gig. I'm in." 

_ "That's great. Listen while this is happening it needs to be believable. That means we need to sell that you've been alienated from the rest of your house. No contact."  _

"I understand sir. I'm staying with Diaz at the moment. It might be awhile before I could get another place." Buck's heart ached at the thought , but he would talk to him even if he wasn't supposed to. 

_ "We'll get you a place. Can have you in it in a day or two. By then the lawyer will have our reports he requested and hopefully he'll come to you."  _

"Thank you sir. See you tomorrow." 

"Remember Buckley , they can't know what you're doing." Chief Edwards said and hung up. 

Buck sat there in shock , wondering if he was doing the right thing. He knew that Eddie was on shift till tomorrow. He felt drained. 

He drove to the house and crashed in the bed , the smell of Eddie and him calming him. 

@@

Buck woke to the sound of Eddie moving through the house. He rolled over and for a minute forgot all the drama of the night before. With a sigh he got out of bed and went to find Eddie. They needed to talk about what Buck was about to do. 

"Eddie?" Buck called out. 

"In here." Eddie responded from Christopher's room. 

"What are you doing?" Buck asked as he walked in as Eddie was running from one side to the next. 

"I nearly forgot that Christopher has a birthday party today and he wants to sleepover. I have to pack him a bag , pick him up and get him there in...forty-five minutes. Ugh." 

"I'm sure you'll make it in time. Listen there's something I need to talk to you about." 

"I'd love to talk to you , mi amore but I can't right now. The party is across town and traffic is gonna kill us. Later?" Eddie pleaded as he zipped up the bag. 

"I...ok. After you drop him off?" 

"I'll let you know." Eddie said , walking past him and pecking him on the cheek. 

Buck watched as Eddie ran out the door and felt like today was going to hell. He needed to talk to him before they set everything up and he was forced to stay elsewhere. 

With a sigh he got dressed and waited for Eddie to come back. Good thing he wasn't on today. 

@@

Eddie dropped Christopher off at the birthday party , ignoring the way the mother of said birthday boy teased him about over parenting. He sighed as he watched Christopher shuffle off into the park. He was nervous , this was the first time Christopher would be staying with a friend overnight. 

"Wow really handicapped there asshole." A voice came from behind him.

"Excuse me?" Eddie turned to see a guy with a knee brace and a cane. 

"You look real handicapped. Thanks for being an asshole and making me park three rows out." 

"Look I get why you're upset , but I have a son with Cerebral Palsy that I just dropped off." Eddie said as he went to climb in his truck.

"I'm sure you do. That's what they all say. Your stupid kid is probably normal." The guy ranted. 

"What the fuck did you just say about my kid?" 

"Oh fuck off. He's probably just retarded." 

Eddie didn't even know what came over him. Maybe it was all the stress of the past few months. Buck being pinned beneath that truck and then the embolism. Him and Chris in the tsunami. Maybe even the shit with Shannon. 

Either way he snapped and cocked his arm back and knocked the idiot on his stupid ass. Blood came gushing out his nose as he cried out. 

"Not a good move , sir. Hands behind your back." He turned and saw a cop walking toward him. 

_ Fuck. _

@@

Buck waited and waited. Two hours later and not so much as a call or text from Eddie. He sighed. Things were unravelling. His phone went off and he nearly threw it. 

"Eddie?" He answered without even looking. 

_ "Buckley , this is Edwards. We want you to come in so we can get you situated in your new place and have you run the reports over to the lawyer." _

"I'll be right there." Buck hung up. 

"Shit." 

He couldn't just text him and tell him. He needed to tell Eddie to his face what was going on. 

He went in their room and packed up his things , there wasn't much. He threw the bags in his truck and headed into headquarters. 

@@

"I didn't think we were close enough to be bailing each other out of jail." Lena said as they walked out of the precinct holding building. 

"We're not. I just don't want Cap to know and Buck has a past with violence so I'm not going to tell him I hit someone." 

"I think you need to find some kind of outlet for that anger." Lena leered at him. 

"I don't have anger." Eddie snapped. 

"Sure you don't. Snap at me , hit a handicapped guy. All I'm saying is talk it out , fuck it out. Something." 

"We're not doing that." 

"Didn't say with me." She raised an eyebrow at him. 

He just wanted to get home to Buck. He knew he had to be angry that he had said he'd talk after he was done. That was three hours ago. He was going to be doing some groveling. 

He stopped by and grabbed some flowers on the way home. 

"Buck , baby?" He called out when he got home. 

@@

"So there's an apartment we got you. Rents paid for the month already. All you have to cover is food. Here's the reports for the lawyer." Edwards said as he handed them over. 

"You really think he's going to try to get me to sue?" Buck asked.

"Yeah we do. Can you sell it that you're upset about your job?" 

"Yeah , I can sell it." 

"Good. You start now kid. Get this guy and you'll be back with the 118 before you know it." 

Buck sighed as he headed out to go to the lawyer's office. He wished that he had been able to talk to Eddie. He didn't want to lose him , but this was his job and it would get him back to where he was supposed to be. 

That was all that mattered. 

He made the drive in silence. Mostly thinking about what Bobby had done to him. He needed to hold onto that feeling of betrayal. He would need it when he was baiting the lawyer. 

"Ah Mr. Buckley. Thank you for bringing the reports. My clients are looking forward to winning this case." 

"You think they have a case?" 

"Certainly. The building was neglectful when conducting such a drill and I'm sure these reports will even cast some blame on the fire department."

"The reports are pretty standard for drills such as these. They did their job correctly." Buck defended.

"Hmmm. They can still get something out of the building. What about you?" 

"What do you mean me?" 

"I mean , who's looking after you? I looked into the firefighters working the drill. They haven't let you back on duty even though you passed." 

"I'm sure they have good reasons." 

"I think they'll stick you behind a desk and leave you. I could help with that. Get you back where you belong a whole lot richer too." 

"I...you really think so?" Buck played innocent. 

"I do. What do you say? We sue the department , the city and your Captain." 

"My Captain , why him?" 

"They haven't told you? He's the one that refused your reinstatement." 

Buck knew that. Knew that he had to pretend that he didn't. The hurt was easy to fake because it was real. He started to tear up , trying to fight it and remember that this was a ploy to get him to sue. 

"What do we need to do?" He asked and the smile on the lawyer's face said it all. 

@@

After he went over all the things the lawyer wanted him to do he left. They had given him the keys and address of his new apartment. He just had to go tell Bobby that he was being sued. 

He didn't want to lie to him , but it needed to be real. He drove over to Bobby's , his heart in his throat. After this Eddie was going to know. He had wanted him to know the truth , but now he was going to think Buck was really doing this. 

He parked in Bobby and Athena's driveway. He took a minute to calm down. He was afraid of how Bobby was going to take it. That he would be angry with him and yell. His phone rang causing him to jump. 

"Hello?" He answered. 

_ "Buck! I wanted to tell you goodnight."  _

"Oh thank you bud. Listen I need to tell you something , but it has to be a secret ok." 

_ "I can keep a secret!"  _

"I know you can , but this one is going to be hard. Work wants me to catch someone doing a really bad thing. But in order for me to do that I have to pretend to be really mad at everyone."

_ "That sounds awful. Does that mean us too?" _

"Yeah bud. I have to stay somewhere else. But I'm going to get you a phone so we can talk whenever you need me. Is that ok?"

_ "I understand Buck. Does daddy know too?"  _

"No , I tried to tell him but didn't get to. Now I have to go to the new place tonight so I can't talk to him." 

_ "I can tell him!" Christopher sounded so sincere. _

"I think it might be better if only you knew bud."

_ "Okay Buck. I love you!"  _

"I love you too so much. I'll get you that phone and bring it to school ok." 

_ "Ok night Buck." _

"Night bud." He hung up. Thank god Christopher knew.

He got out and walked up to the door. He didn't want to do this but he had to. He raised a hand and knocked on the door. He shoved them in his pockets so they wouldn't see them shaking. 

"Buck , what are you doing here? Are you ok?" Bobby answered the door. 

"I'm ok. I'm sorry it's so late , but I need to talk to you." 

"It's ok. Come in." Bobby stepped back. 

"I can't. I'm here to deliver this." Buck pulled the papers out his jacket pocket. 

"What's this?" Bobby looked down at the papers , opening the envelope. 

"Buck?" Athena asked as she joined them in her robe. 

"It's why I won't be able to see or talk to you for a while. I'm suing the department the city and...you." Buck said trying to keep his voice steady as his eyes watered.

"What?" Athena said as she moved to grab the papers. 

"For keeping me from returning to work." 

"Buck…" Bobby started but Buck shook his head. 

"I have to go." He said and took off. 

He drove to his new apartment and collapsed on the bed in tears. He wasn't sure he could do this.

@@

"Bobby have you heard or seen Buck? He's not home yet and I'm worried." Eddie said when the phone rang. 

_ "He's suing us. The city , the department and me. He just left here. I don't think he'll be coming home. He can't have contact with anyone in the department. That's you." _

"What the hell?" 

_ "It's because I told him last night I was the one who stopped him from coming back to work." _

"Still. He can't just move out without telling...shit!" 

_ "What Eddie?" _

"He tried to talk to me this morning." 

_ "I'm sure things will work out." _ Bobby said and hung up.

Eddie dialed Buck. Hoping that he would answer and they could talk about things. But it just rang and rang. He threw the phone against the wall in frustration. 

"Dammit Buck." 

A knock on the door made his head shoot up. Maybe that was Buck. He stood and hurried to the door. He wrenched the door open and his heart dropped. 

"Hey , I want you to come with me. I have an idea that could help you with that anger." Lena said.

"Ok." Eddie said after a minute. 

They drove in her bronco. Eddie was starting to worry when they headed out to the abandoned areas of the city. He didn't think she'd kill him. They pulled up to an old junkyard lit by fires and yelling. 

"This is where I come to let off steam." She told him. 

Eddie crawled out and followed her through the crowd. Once they made it to the front Eddie looked on in disbelief. It was an illegal street fighting arena. 

"Holy shit." He said.

Lena just smiled as he took it all in.

  
  



	4. Rage Against The Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I took forever! This chapter was hard , the holidays had me busy , the 3 kids and I'm sorry lol. I hope you enjoy , I was up till almost 2 finishing it and uploading it so if you spot any errors let me know. As always leave me comments I love them! Lol.

Eddie watched as two guys beat the shit out of each other. He was never one for violence and he had no idea why Lena had thought he would do this. He looked sideways at her as he sipped the beer she had in a cooler as they sat on her tailgate. 

"So why did you bring me here?" He asked. 

"I think you need to let loose a little. You are wound so tight that you beat a handicapped guy over a parking space. This could help you." 

"I don't do violence." 

"It's not about 'doing violence.' It's about letting the primal side of you free. To know that you can't control life kicking your ass but you can control kicking someone else's." 

"That sounds very wife beater philosophical."

"Take it how you want but it realigns your day life." Lena smirked. 

_ "Next up Bosko! Get your ass in here."  _ The guy calling the fight yelled.

"Wait , your fight here?!" Eddie said in disbelief. 

"How do you think I know how it works?" She smirked as she bounced off to meet her opponent. 

Eddie watched as she took down this mountain of a man in minutes. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t turned right around and left the minute he got here. Buck , no matter what was going on and how things were between them , wouldn’t deal well with Eddie being violent. Hell , his son didn’t deserve the risk he would take if he got into this. He sighed as he felt a headache coming on. 

“So what do you think?” Lena asked as she made her way back to sit next to him after she gathered her winnings. 

“I still don’t think this is a good idea. Buck..”

“Buck left. He took his shit and left you and your kid so he could sue the pants off everyone just because he didn’t get his way. Doesn’t that make you angry?” 

“Well , a little , but..”

“Would you rather take that shit home to your son or him if he shows up again?”

“I wouldn’t hurt either of them!” Eddie snapped. 

“Just like you wouldn’t hit a handicapped guy?” she quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“You... I… “Eddie couldn’t argue with her logic. 

“So how’s this work?” He asked.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

“This is how this is going to go. We’ll meet with the chiefs and your team in the conference room. We present our case and they tell their side while a judge listens and he’ll decide if we have a case. If he rules in our favor we go to trial unless the department and city want to settle.” 

“Ok. So what do I need to do?” Buck asked. 

“I need you tell me all about the other people you work with and any medical issues they had and when they were allowed back to work.”

Buck felt the bile churn in his stomach. He didn’t want to tell this weasel things about his family , his boyfriend , if that was what he still was. But he knew that he had to play along and that meant risking his family. He swallowed it back down and took a breath. 

“Well , there’s Bobby…” 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

He left the lawyer’s office and drove to Christopher’s school. He had opted to add a line to his plan and get a cheap phone for Christopher to reach him if he needed. He was agonizing over the decision to get Chris a secret cell and how that would affect his relationship with Eddie when things came out , but after the meeting with the lawyer and the things he was made to disclose. Well he was convinced that there would be no way Eddie would allow him to see Chris after the meeting. 

He wasn’t even sure if he would after it all was said and done. Whether it was his job to do this or not , he was sure that Eddie and he were through. He shook the pain away and bit back the tears. He had enough time to mourn that later. Now he was here for Christopher. 

“Hey , bud. How was your day?” Buck said as they brought Christopher to the car. 

“It was ok. Are you coming home with me Buck?” he asked with those big eyes of his.

“I can’t yet bud. I talked Carla into letting me pick you up today so I could give you that phone we talked about.” 

“Is the bad guy gone?” 

“Not yet little man. I have to pretend to be mad at everyone and that includes your dad. Things are going to get bad , I may not be around later or for a long while. I want you to know that I love you and your dad very much. I hope that things get back to normal soon.” 

“I love you too Bucky. I can call you when I miss you.” 

“That’s right , bud. I’ll always be there.” Buck pulled up and put the truck in park. 

He crawled out and went around to help Christopher out of the back seat. Carla came to stand on the porch to watch. Buck felt a lump in his throat and tried to hold back his tears. He didn’t want to leave this sweet little boy , the one he had always dreamed of. He wanted to walk in with him and wait for Eddie to get home and beg forgiveness. 

“Bye Bucky.” Christopher hugged him and kissed his cheek. 

“Bye dear sweet boy. I love you to the moon and back.” he pulled back and watched until Christopher was on the porch. 

He waved and walked back around to get in the truck. He pulled off and drove a few streets over before he could no longer see and he had to pull over. The tears streamed down his face and he let out great gasping sobs. He hated this so damn much. 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

They all stood in a waiting area outside the conference room. Second shift was working for them as they dealt with this lawsuit. It made Eddie’s blood boil. He couldn’t believe that Buck would do this or that he hadn’t answered when he had called. 

“Good morning. Shall we get this started?” the sleazy lawyer smirked as he walked up with Buck trailing behind him , his eyes trained on his feet. 

They were instructed to wait there , they would be called in one at a time to answer questions and give testimony. Bobby was up first , then Chim , Hen and finally himself. Then they would know if they would have to go to trial. The whole thing was unbelievable. 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

“So Captain Nash , why did you hold Mr. Buckley back when others of your team have been injured and come back within weeks?” 

“Each person is evaluated both medically and professionally. If they pass both exams and I feel they are ready they come back. Buck’s not ready.” 

“He passed everything. You were ready to welcome him back until the blood clot. What changed?”

“He is on blood thinners , a simple cut can be deadly. He needs to take care of this clot problem then he can come back.” 

“You didn’t make Mr. Han do any extra work after he had a piece of rebar through his head did you?”

“Well , no , but…” 

“And didn’t you yourself have a relapse with alcohol not too long ago , one of the substances that lead to the death of your wife and children?”

Buck swallowed the bile he felt creeping up his throat. Bobby had looked as though he was stabbed when the question reached his ears. Buck never wanted to tell the sick fuck next to him that. He felt like scrubbing every inch of his skin clean , to remove the filth he felt from what he was doing. 

“Yes , I did , but that is behind me now. I’ve been sober ever since.” Bobby said in a hard voice as he looked at Buck. 

“That’ll be all. Next Mr. Han.” the lawyer told them , dismissing Bobby.

Buck glanced up at Chim. He looked at ease and laid back. Obviously Bobby hadn’t had time to warn him. He was smiling and popping his gum as they got started. Buck let his eyes drift back to the table in front of him. If he concentrated hard enough on the table he wouldn’t lose it and cry. 

“So Mr. Han , you were struck through the head with a rebar pole is that right?” 

“Yes , I was driving when I was hit from behind and it came straight through and out the front of my skull. This little mark here is all I have in terms of scarring.” Chim said proudly pointing at his forehead. 

“And how long were you out of work?”

“I..well I’m not EXACTLY sure. A few weeks , maybe three months.”

“What if I told you it was only six weeks?” 

“Really? Well , people always tell me I heal fast.” Chim shifted in his seat , his smile dropping. 

“So you had a metal pole through your head and were back to work after six weeks. Must have felt pretty good.” 

“I...well…” 

“And weren’t you more recently stabbed in the back by Mr. Buckley’s crazy , abusive ex-husband?”

“Yes , I was.” 

“You were out about the same amount of time and yet here you are. With no counseling or other added restrictions.” 

“It was....” was as far as Chim got before the lawyer cut him off. 

“We’ll take the next one.” Buck snuck a glance at the odd look on Chim’s face before he left. 

“Mrs. Wilson , can you tell me what this medicine is?” his lawyer slid his medication across the table. 

“It’s a blood thinner.” 

“And do you think it hinders Mr. Buckley’s ability to work?”

“It presents a danger. If he gets even a small cut it could bleed rapidly. Even getting hit could cause internal bleeding.” 

“Could you tell me what job you had before you became a paramedic?” 

“I was a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company.” Hen looked confused. 

“Do you recognize this?” Buck’s lawyer slid a pamphlet across the table. Buck glanced at it seeing that it was for his blood thinners.

“It’s a medical pamphlet for blood thinners.” 

“And doesn’t that say that patients can return to daily activities without restrictions or worries?”

“Yes , but I just sold the stuff. I’m not a doctor to make that kind of call.” 

“Nothing further.” Chase smirked. 

Buck felt like he was about to fall apart. Eddie was next. He wasn’t sure he would be able to face this one. His heart was racing and his palms were sweating. He felt like throwing up and passing out all at once. The door clicked open and he listened as Eddie’s boots brought him around the table. He chanced a glance at Eddie as he sat , he could see the anger boiling beneath the surface. 

“Ah , Mr. Diaz. I know this must be awkward with you dating Mr. Buckley and all.” Chase began. 

“I guess.” Eddie said shortly. 

“So , you haven’t been with the 118 long , but you have grown close to Mr. Buckley and you were in the service before becoming a firefighter is that right?” 

“Yes , I was a medic in the army.” 

“So you know a thing or two about injuries.” 

“I don’t know much about blood clots or blood thinners. But the Army taught me quite a bit.” 

“Such as?”

“How to follow orders. Like when a superior tells me something , I know how to listen. It’s for the best , for the team and for me.” Eddie growled out. 

“Don’t you think it was unfair that Captain Nash chose to hold Mr. Buckley from returning to work even after the doctors cleared him for duty?”

“I know that Bobby was worried that something could happen to Buck on the job and we would have to watch him die. I think he was trying to protect him and he was right.” 

“We’ve heard about how fast Mr. Han returned to work after taking rebar through the brain , was he not concerned with him?” 

“I wasn’t here for that.” 

“And what about you?” Buck pressed his lips together tightly to hold it in. 

The scream , the bile , the begging. He didn’t want to be here , he didn’t want to hear this asshole drag Eddie’s heart out of his chest and step on it in his name. This was it , the moment that he wouldn’t be able to come back from. The moment he was going to lose Eddie forever. He raised his tear filled eyes for one last look at him. 

Eddie met his gaze and Buck saw the concern , the worry in them. He felt his chest ache and his heart rip in pieces. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away , unable to look at the man he loved as he was destroyed. To see the moment the love and concern turned to hate. 

“Your wife just died. I’m told she drugged you , raped you and made you believe you were going to be a father again. Have you been ordered to complete therapy?”

“No , I…” 

“I would think that kind of thing would seriously mess with a man. Yet here we again have an example of Captain Nash letting everyone else return to work except Mr. Buckley.” 

“I have to concede that the evidence does seem to support a type of favoritism. I think we have enough to go to trial on. Please inform the other members of the 118. We’ll set a date.” the judge told them and everyone started to leave. 

Eddie stood , nearly knocking over his chair in his haste and stomped out of the door without looking at Buck. He couldn’t even measure the anger coursing through his veins at the moment. He stopped with the others and shook his head. They gathered their things and made their way toward the elevators. 

Buck slipped out the room after Chase smiled at him and clapped him on the back. He needed to go home and wash that filth off of his skin , to wash the guilt and pain away. He came upon the elevators as the others were standing inside. He stopped suddenly realizing that they were all staring at him. He saw the betrayal and pain and hatred on their faces. He dropped his gaze as the doors slid closed. 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Buck let himself into the apartment and stripped his clothes off as he made his way to the shower. He felt as though he were under water again , everything muted and dim. He turned the water on without even worrying about the temperature. He didn’t care right now. 

He stood in the scalding spray and recalled everything that had happened. He picked up the loofa , added soap and began absentmindedly started scrubbing his arms. He felt the hot tears welling in his eyes , his vision blurring as his hand pressed harder and faster. He didn’t even feel the pain as the skin became cut and broken , blood welling in small beads. 

He let out a sob and dropped the loofa , his hands coming up to tangle in his hair and pull. He hated this , he wasn’t sure what was going to happen to him after this whole thing was over. He wasn’t sure he could survive again. He distantly heard his phone going off and climbed from the shower. 

“Hello?” he answered as he wrapped the towel around his waist. 

_ “Bucky?” Christopher said.  _

“Yeah , bud. Are you okay?” 

_ “Yeah. I just wanted to tell you goodnight.”  _

“Oh , goodnight little man.” 

_ “Daddy is sad and we can’t wait to have you back home.” Chris said and then hung up.  _

Buck let the hand holding the phone fall to his side. He gripped it tight , wanting to hold that moment. Christopher didn’t know what was happening and that his father wouldn’t be waiting for him to come back at all. He sat down and put the phone on the bed next to him. He looked at his hands and for the first time realized that he was bleeding. 

He debated leaving it. Just for a moment he thought about it as the blood ran down his arm and dripped from his fingertips. He shook his head violently and almost ran to the first aid kit to stop the bleeding. He had never thought about giving up , even with Doug. He bandaged the scratches and dressed , curling in the covers and silently crying himself to sleep. 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

It had been days since the hearing. Buck hadn’t moved from his bed unless he had to go to the bathroom or occasionally eat. He hadn’t eaten nearly what he should since this whole thing began. He knew from his past experience that his body was starting to eat itself. It was a good thing that he could sleep as long as he wanted. 

“Hello?” he answered the phone. 

_ “Buck , my man I need you to come down here right away.” Chase said in that annoying voice of his.  _

“I’ll be right there.” Buck said and hung up.

He managed to drag himself out of bed to get dressed , his clothes hanging on him a little. Probably not enough to be noticable. He hoped that this was it , that it was the end. He wanted it over , to finally end this charade and find out his fate. 

“So what was so important?” Buck asked as he sat down across from Chase. 

“They have come to a decision. They agreed to settle. Now I know this isn’t what you wanted , but this is a good consolation prize. They offered you seven million dollars.” 

“What?” Buck felt his jaw drop. 

“I know. It’s the largest settlement in history of this type of case. Now you have a day to decide , but I’ve already drafted the acceptance.” 

“I need to think about this.” Buck said and left before Chase could say much more. 

He walked out and got in his truck. He drove to the grocery store the station always shopped at before he called the chief. He wasn’t sure why they hadn’t told him and a deep , dark part of him whispered that it was because they really were getting rid of him with this opportunity. 

_ “Mr. Buckley , I take it you’ve been told of our settlement offer?”  _

“Yeah , why didn’t you guys let me know?” 

_ “We wanted to make the surprise real. Tomorrow you tell him that you accept and then he’ll do his thing and skim off the top and we’ll have him. In a day or two you’ll be back with the 118 and this will be over.”  _

“Are you sure he’ll take the bait?” 

_ “How much did he tell you we offered you?”  _

“Seven million.” 

_ “Buck we offered you fourteen million. He’s planning to take seven for himself and probably disappear for good with that much.”  _

“Alright. What about the others , what will they know?” 

_ “Nash has been told that we settled and he’s agreed to let you come back. You are free to tell them all the truth after we arrest him.”  _

“A few more days. I can handle that.” 

_ “That’s the spirit. See you soon.”  _

Buck sighed and wondered if he would even be given the chance to tell them the truth. He decided that he needed to get food if he was going back. He hadn’t eaten properly in days so he would need to start slow. He made his way into the store forgetting that it was grocery day at the 118.

“Buck?!” Chim and Hen said as they spotted him. 

“Oh.” Buck said as he was eyeing some broth. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I was shopping.” he said and looked in his basket which only had some light soups. They would know if they looked at what he had.

“You staying around here?” Hen asked. 

“I was at the lawyer’s office…” he trailed off as Bobby , Lena and Eddie came around the corner. 

“I think I could take you Diaz.” Lena smiled , both oblivious. 

“I doubt that.” Eddie laughed. 

Chim coughed and Eddie and Lena looked up , Eddie letting the smile slip off his face at the sight of Buck. Buck felt the desire to turn and run away. Eddie was happy with her around , he put that sour look on his face. 

“What are you doing here?” Eddie snapped.

“Shopping apparently , but he doesn’t have much there.” Chim said. 

“Didn’t get enough of tormenting us at the hearing?" 

“I didn’t mean to…” 

“I know you didn’t , but you did. You cut all of us off and then tell that asshole all about our darkest moments. What else do you want?” 

“I...the lawsuit is over.” Buck whispered. 

“Does it matter , the damage is done.” Eddie returned. 

Lena moved closer and placed a hand on Eddie’s shoulder in support. Buck thought he would shake her off or say something , but he didn’t. He felt his heart break even more as he looked at the two of them , trying to see if they were a thing. 

_ “118 we have a motor vehicle accident on the corner of Vine.”  _

“This is the 118 show us in route. Looks like we’ll have to shop another day.” Bobby said and they all left without a word to Buck. 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

“So have you thought about what I said anymore?” Lena asked as they got off shift. 

“I told you that violence wasn’t my thing.” Eddie told her. 

“Well , I figured after that complete betrayal of trust at the hearing you would change your mind.See you tonight.” she shrugged and turned to get in her own car. 

Eddie climbed in his truck and waited. Truth was he had thought about it , but it was weird to admit it to Lena. She was this new person that had no knowledge of their history. Besides, something about her rubbed him the wrong way. He couldn’t put his finger on it. 

“Hey , Carla can I ask you to stay with Chris a little longer tonight?” he asked , Bobby was taking the whole crew out to the rage room they had been to on a call the other day. His way of letting them work out the frustration of the lawsuit he guessed. 

_ “Sure hon. I can stay if you need me to.” _

“Thank you.” he told her and hung up. 

Maybe a night out with the team , smashing the shit out of things would make him feel better. He had felt the anger building and festering in him without anywhere to go. He felt like a powder keg set to explode. Something had to give. A knock on his window scared him a little.

“Hey , Cap.” Eddie said as he lowered his window. 

“I wanted to tell you , I just got off the phone with the chief. Buck was right about it being over , the department has decided to settle , we won’t be going to trial.” 

“So what happens to Buck?” Eddie said swallowing the lump in his throat. 

“I was given the option to transfer him , but I told them I wanted him here. He won’t like it much , but at least I can keep an eye on him.” Bobby sighed. 

“Oh.” Eddie said dumbly. 

“Is that going to be ok? Can you work with him?” Bobby eyed him.

“I think so. Are we still on for tonight?” 

“Yeah , I was actually going to invite Buck so I could tell him in person.” 

“I think I should sit this one out Cap.” 

“I understand.” Bobby said and waved bye to him. 

Eddie started the truck and hoped he remembered the way. He drove through the streets of L.A. , the anger simmering in his gut. He felt so much anger , he had never felt this angry before. He pulled up to the same ring Lena had brought him to that first time. He hopped out and went in search of the man in charge. 

He got into an early fight , a guy that was sort of new himself. He was about Eddie’s same build. It suited Eddie just fine. They danced back and forth before Eddie landed a hit. He felt his heart race and joy ran through him. It was the first thing he had felt other that hurt , anger and pain since Buck had left. He smirked and let his fists fly , connecting with every inch of flesh he could reach until they pulled him off.

_ “YEAH!!!!!” he screamed as his arm was held up in victory , something other than anger flowing through him like a drug.  _

_ He could get used to this. _

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

_ Rage room downtown...be there at eight. _

That was all the text from Bobby said. Buck was nervous , he knew they were angry at him and a place called Rage Room didn’t sound like it boded well for him. Would they hurt him physically? Either way he was going , it was who he was. 

“Hi.” he said as he entered and found Bobby waiting for him inside the door. 

“Hi.” 

“I wanted to tell you that I was given a choice to transfer you , I decided not to. I want you where I can keep an eye on you for one and I also think that you owe everyone you told your lawyer about.” 

“I don’t know what to say.” Buck said. 

“I figured. You will get a call from the chief tomorrow I guess. He’ll tell you all this.” 

“I know I messed up , but I want you to know you won’t regret this.” 

“You might. It’s my house and my rules.”

“I understand.” Buck said. 

“Let’s get to the night’s festivities.” Bobby turned and Buck followed.

No one said a word to him as they suited up and separated into rooms in groups of two , Athena coming from the bathroom Buck guessed. He was left all alone. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. He tried to get into it , but it reminded him of Doug more than he liked to admit. That and the lack of proper food left him a little weak. He stopped after a few hits and just stood there. 

_ ‘Where was Eddie?’ he wondered. _


	5. Ghosts and Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh! Hopefully you love this chapter. I tried to tie up some of the anger at Buck. They still don't know the whole story but that's alright because he isn't just going to forgive them after a few pretty words. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

“So what’s going to happen now?” Buck asked Chief Edwards as he met with him the morning before his first shift. 

“We told the lawyer that we would settle with the money. Now we have to wait for him to take the check that we’re going to give him for you and try to cash it at the bank. We’ve brought in the manager at the bank he uses so they’ll pretend to cash it. When he tries to put half of it into his own accounts we’ll have him.” 

“And what about me returning to work?” Buck asked. 

“He knows that we’ve decided to pay you , but also to let you come back to work so you won’t tell the story to the media. This way you get what you want , back pay for pain and suffering and we make sure we still look good.” 

“So when can I tell everyone what I was doing and why I had to sue them?” 

“That will have to wait until after we arrest that slimy weasel Chase Macky.” 

“So any idea when he’ll try to cash the check? I really want to get back to normal with my family.” 

“I know son , but we have no idea how long he’ll take. I would think that he would wait until he was sure that the heat would be off of him. I’m sorry the answer isn’t better.” 

“Thank you anyway though. I have a shift to get to and that’s the best part of all this. I will finally be back where I belong.” 

Buck shook their hands and left. He was already dressed so he drove to the station. He had hardly been able to sleep last night , he was finally going to be back. He knew of course that until he could tell them what had happened that things would be strained between him and the rest of the team. Especially Edddie. 

He could deal with it until he was able to tell them. He just had to pray that after they learned the truth he would still have them. 

@@@

“Has anyone seen Diaz?” Bobby asked as they all gathered around the table in the loft. 

“No sir.” 

“Well , he’ll just have to play catch up when he gets here. Buck comes back to work today and I know that this makes things...awkward. He told that lawyer things about us that we had told him in confidence. If you feel you can’t work together I understand.” 

“Will he be out on calls with us?” Chim asked. 

“No , I want him as far from the action as possible. No matter what the chief says , he’s still on blood thinners and I’m not risking innocent victims if he gets injured and needs treatment. They wanted him to have his job back and he’ll have it , just not the way he thinks.” 

“How far are we talking Cap? Do we ignore him , throw all the crap jobs at him or what?” Hen asked.

“I’m not saying isolate him , but I don’t expect you to give him a warm welcome either.”

“Ok…” Hen didn’t know if she liked the sound of that. 

They all went about their work. It was still a little bit before Buck was supposed to be there. Eddie sent Bobby a text saying he was running late with Christopher and Bobby wondered if he was just having trouble dealing with Buck returning when their relationship was so out of sorts. Bobby looked up as he heard a throat clear from the bay doors. 

“Hey , guys.” Buck said as he passed a few of the second shift guys that were still on. 

They just turned the other way and ignored him. Bobby watched as Buck gripped the strap of his bag tight and slowed a little. Surely he hadn’t thought that things would be that easy. Bobby watched him cross the bay and how he seemed to dim his spirits with every person who ignored or sneered at him. He hadn’t come across anyone from this shift yet.

“Hi.” Buck whispered as he walked up to Chim and Hen. 

“Oh , back I see.” Chim said. 

“Yeah , h-how have you guys been?” Buck gripped the strap so tight his hands were white. 

“Oh great. I heal quickly you know.” Chim said and walked off. 

Buck dropped his gaze to the ground and swallowed. He would not allow himself to cry here. Not because no one was happy to see him. He just had to hold on , everything would be over soon. He heard Hen sigh and dared to look at her through his lashes. 

“Let’s get your stuff in your locker huh.” she said softly. 

They walked into the locker rooms and Buck walked straight to his old locker , the one right next to Eddie’s. He heard Hen make a noise before he stopped dead at the sight. There was a new lock on it and he knew who it belonged to. Bosko , his replacement. 

“There’s one in the back that’s free.” Hen told him. 

“Thanks.” He whispered and walked to the back row where most of the other shifts kept their stuff. 

He put his stuff in the foreign locker and took out his uniform shirt to go over his tee. He would be here by himself until Bosko went back to her own station. Given that hers was in the impact zone and he heard her chief and some of the crew were injured during the tsunami he didn’t think it would be soon. He went back to the front where Hen was sitting on one of the benches with a small white box on her lap. 

“What’s that?” he nodded to her box. 

“It’s for you. I know things won’t be smooth sailing for a while , but I wanted you to know that I was glad you were back.” 

“I think you might be the only one. No one else wants me here , I don’t even know why you do.” 

“I remember what it was like to be here and not be wanted. No one wanted the black lesbian to be a firefighter. I know what happened and I also know how you felt. Also you didn’t really have anything on me so I have no reason to be upset.” 

“I...thank you. So what is it?” Buck held his hand out and she gave him the box. 

“It’s red velvet.” Hen said as he opened it to reveal the cupcake inside. He felt tears well in his eyes at her gift. 

“Thank you.” 

“It bleeds when you cut it.” she shrugged.

Buck gave her a side hug and ripped the cupcake in two holding one half out to her. She smiled and took it. They both sat there in silence as they ate the cupcake , which was red velvet with cream cheese icing and filled with a raspberry sauce that was the ‘blood’. Buck felt a rush from the sugar or it could have been that he hadn’t really eaten much. 

“Time to face the music.” Buck said and stood. 

As he and Hen walked out of the locker rooms he saw Eddie coming in , already dressed and wearing a pair of sunglasses. He looked off somehow. Buck felt his heart race and his vision twitched for a moment as his head went woozy. He managed to make it through it without tripping or giving away that he felt anything. 

“Sorry I’m late Cap.” Eddie said as he walked up to him a hand running through his hair. 

“Wow , what happened?” Buck said before he thought about it , his gaze fixed on the bruise on Eddie’s forearm. 

“I was just roughhousing with my kid.” Eddie said not even looking at him. 

“With what a hammer?” Buck asked incredulously. 

“What I do with my kid doesn’t concern you.” Eddie said looking at him and Buck felt his heart break a little. 

The alarm blaring to life stopped anything he could say to that. Everyone started to make their way to the trucks , Buck following before Bobby stopped him with a hand. Buck looked down at it before meeting Bobby’s eyes. 

“You're the man behind. Stay here and get started on chores.” Bobby said before running to get in the truck. 

With a sigh and a forlorn look at the trucks pulling out the bays with their sirens screeching Buck turned and walked up to the loft to see the chores that needed to be done. He really hoped that asshole lawyer made his move soon. 

@@

“Everything ok?” Bobby asked as they rolled to the call. 

“Yeah , I just got a little caught up playing with Christopher. I’m fine though.” Eddie answered him. 

“You missed the meeting this morning to talk about Buck being back. I need to know if you can’t work with him. He’ll be the man behind for a while though.” 

“I can handle it. Don’t worry about me Cap.” 

They made it to the call , a school field trip to a corn field where the class was attacked and trapped by a lot of crows. It was a scene out of the Birds movie and Eddie decided right then and there that Alfred Hitchock was right about birds being terrifying. Some kids had pissed them off and they were out for revenge. It was a nice distraction from Buck. 

“What were you and Buck doing in the locker room?” Chim asked on the way back. 

“I just talked to him. I know that he had some stuff that was personal on you guys at the hearing , but he didn’t on me. I can also understand his side of it.”

“He brought up Shannon and all that she did to me. He’s supposed to be my partner , not betray me like that.”

“I get that. You guys are entitled to your anger , but I remember a time when I wasn’t wanted here.”

“That was different. You couldn’t control why they didn’t want you here. Buck brought this on himself.” 

“I think you all would have done the same in his shoes.” 

The rest of the ride was made in silence. Eddie thought about the ring , how he couldn’t wait to get back to it. Buck being back and so in his face now made him want to fight even more. It also didn’t help that Christopher was still having nightmares and he had asked about the bruise this morning. He hadn’t asked about Buck since Eddie told him he wouldn’t be around for a bit thankfully. 

Halloween was coming up and Eddie hadn’t even thought about a costume or asked Christopher what he wanted to be. He was so overwhelmed with everything that was going on , the tsunami , the lawsuit , his strained relationship with Buck and he still hadn’t heard anything back from Athena about Shannon’s possible other child.

“Looks like Buck got started on the list.” Chim said breaking Eddie out of his thoughts. 

“He makes a nice maid.” Lena said with a laugh. It curled in Eddie’s stomach , but so did hearing that lawyer talk about Shannon. 

“What’s for lunch Cap?” Eddie asked. 

“I have some lasagna leftover from the other night.” 

“Sounds good to me.” Chim smiled as they piled out the rig and put up their gear. 

Buck was washing the dishes that had been in the sink from the second shift when they made their way up to the loft. Eddie watched him as they came up and saw the way his shoulders hunched in on himself. He worried about him , even though he was angry as hell. 

“I’ll reheat it , you guys set the table.” Bobby told them. 

Eddie walked over to grab the silverware from the drawer while Chim grabbed the plates and Hen the glasses. Lena grabbed the napkins from next to Buck’s head and he flinched slightly. Eddie frowned , but waited and watched. Buck continued to do the dishes as Bobby heated the lasagna and threw together a salad. Once it was all done and Buck was finished washing the dishes they all went to wash their hands before eating. 

Everyone took a seat , Lena next to Eddie on one side and Chim on the other. Although Lena seemed to be pressed in his side. Everyone made a plate and waited for Bobby to bless the meal. With an Amen they raised their heads and Eddie noticed. 

Buck was nowhere to be seen. He looked at Bobby who just shrugged. No one else seemed to care or notice that he wasn’t with them. Hen however was looking over the balcony sadly. He turned to see what she was looking at and saw Buck washing the truck. The worry gnawed at Eddie , he knew Buck had an eating disorder before. 

@@@

Buck didn’t want to eat. His stomach felt queasy and bubbly. He didn’t trust himself not to throw up when the first bite hit his tongue. He knew he was walking a dangerous line , but he also knew his limits. He could go days without food. 

He washed the truck while the others laughed and ate upstairs. He wanted to be with them , but knew if he walked up there the laughter would stop and they would look at him in disgust. He couldn’t handle that. He would keep his head down and wait for them to get the lawyer. He could do it. 

“Hey Buckley , the toilets are on the fritz.” Chim yelled down as he was finishing the truck. 

Buck just nodded. He put the supplies away and headed to the bathroom. He plunged and tried to jiggle it free for three hours. Nothing was working. He knew that he couldn’t just tell them he couldn’t get it. So he booked a plumber on his credit card and waited. 

“Wow couldn’t even do it yourself could you.” Chim said as he spotted the plumber walking out a few hours later when they came back from a call. 

“I hope that wasn’t paid for from the station budget.” Bobby frowned. 

Buck shook his head and went back to cleaning the floor. He was glad for the moment that the chief had paid for the apartment he was living in because the plumber had taken all the money he had left and then some. He would be paying it back for a while. 

“Oops.” Lena said as she spilled the mop bucket over the floor he had just finished , the water running everywhere. 

Buck looked at her in shock at the smirk on her face. He was supposed to be changing and clocking out with the rest of them. He sighed as she continued on her way , the water running far across the floor. 

“Clean that up.” Bobby said as he passed him. 

Buck stood the bucket back up and grabbed the mop to get as much as he could. He knew that it would take an hour or longer to clean it up. He was wringing the mop out when he heard footsteps and looked up. There was Eddie walking toward him looking at the mess on the floor. He met Buck’s eyes and opened his mouth , but Buck dropped his head and continued to mop. 

Eddie stopped for a moment lost on what to say. Buck had looked so forlorn , but what hurt the most was the quiet avoidance. He felt like this was what Buck was like with Doug. He thought about what to say to make things a little better , but then the lawyer’s voice rang through his head again and he kept walking. 

@@@

Three days later on Halloween Buck was still waiting for the lawyer to get his. No one had talked to him at work other than Hen saying hi or to bark orders at him. Lena had had a few more accidents around him. She also had stayed close to Eddie who never shooed her. It hurt Buck to see them together and his appetite was non-existent. He had worked through the dizzy spells and no one had noticed. 

“Denny was wondering if Christopher wanted to go trick or treating with us tonight?” Hen asked Eddie.

“I can ask , he’s with Abuela tonight. He hasn’t been in the spirit lately though.” Eddie told her as he threw a glance at Buck. 

He noticed that Buck was moving slower than normal. That wasn’t all , his clothes seemed looser, as though they were starting to hang off of him. He chewed his lip in worry. He knew that Buck probably wasn’t eating , but it wasn’t a safety issue since he was the man behind. He felt the anger he had felt dimming a little. 

“Have you noticed how off Buck looks?” he asked Hen.

“You mean the fact that he never eats with us or hasn’t even spoken since that first day back?” 

“Yeah. He really hasn’t spoken?”

“No , he hasn’t. He’s hardly even looked at anyone. I’m worried about him.” 

“Me too. I shouldn’t be so angry anymore.” 

Eddie watched as Buck threw a hand out to the wall and pitched toward it. He stood up at the thought that Buck might fall , but he saw Lena right next to him and stopped. She could catch him if he fell before Eddie could even get there. He looked at Hen who was practically radiating worry. He looked back at the scene. 

“Watch where you’re going asshole.” Lena said and walked by , knocking into Buck as she passed. Eddie was on his feet making his way to Buck as fast as possible.

“Buck..” Eddie said as he made his way over. 

Lena had gone up to the loft. He wasn’t worried about her right now , he would deal with that later. Right now he was concerned with Buck. He reached out to steady him and slowed his movements when Buck flinched. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. 

Buck just nodded. His eyes downcast and he straightened and walked off. Eddie let his hand fall to his side and watched as Buck slowly made his way toward the bathrooms. His heart broke at how meek Buck was. 

“Everyone up here for shift assignments.” Bobby called. 

They all made their way up , Buck being last. He stood away from the others , his head down as Bobby went through the Halloween assignments for the small table and candy set up they had for neighborhood kids every year. 

"Chim you make sure no one wanders into the off limits areas. Hen you can be on the lookout for any allergic reactions or sick kids. I'll answer any fire questions while Eddie and Lena can show the kids the gear and vehicles. Buck you are on candy duty." 

Eddie watched as everyone moved off to get ready for their area. Buck shuffled off without a word. He knew that while he loved kids , he loved the job too. It had to be killing him to be sidelined. 

Eddie went off to think about how he was acting and feeling in light of this new look at Buck.

@@@

Buck went into the bathroom to have a moment to relax. He was tired and still a little dizzy. He knew he needed to eat something but he was so afraid to try it here. He vowed that after shift he would stop at the store and get something.

That way if he threw up none of the team would see. He was still in shock that Eddie had spoken to him. He was sure that he would keep his distance. Lena had made it clear that she didn't like him , probably because she was with Eddie now.

_ Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz  _

Buck reached in his pocket for his phone. There weren't many people who could be calling and Buck prayed it was the chief about Chase. He finally got it free and saw  _ Christopher _ across the screen.

"Everything alright buddy?" He answered , his voice rough.

_ "Will I see you tonight at the fire station? Abuela is bringing me to see daddy."  _

"I'll be here giving out candy. I'm not sure how your dad will deal with it though." 

_ "I don't care. I miss you."  _

"I miss you too. So much. Hopefully soon this will be all over." Buck blinked the tears back. 

_ "I love you Buck."  _

"I love you too sweetheart." Buck said as Christopher hung up. 

He wiped the tears away and prepared to go back out. He just kept repeating to himself that soon it would all be over. He went to the table where they would set up the candy. 

"There you are. Now there are different color buckets. This one is for the kids with allergies and this is for without. Think you can handle that?" Bobby asked. 

"Mmhmm" Buck hummed. 

"Hand these out to the parents with some fire safety pamphlets." Bobby said before walking away , leaving smoke detectors on the table.

"What no complaints?" Chim asked as he walked by. 

Buck just ducked his head and straightened the pamphlets. Chim paused and cocked his head to the side in confusion. Buck was never silent. He looked at the man as he worked. He looked thinner , though that could have been the accident. 

He walked over to join Hen. He needed to talk with someone and she was his best gal pal. She also was never afraid to speak her mind. She would tell him the truth no matter how much it hurt his feelings or what it was about.

“Hey , have you noticed how different Buck is?” he asked as he walked up next to her. 

“Oh , you finally noticed. He’s been like that since he came back and you all decided to treat him like Hitler. He doesn’t speak anymore and he does what he’s told without complaint. When was the last time you did your chores?”

“I...well...I can’t remember. You mean he’s been doing  _ all _ the chores?” 

“Not mine. I made sure that I did them before he could. He’s trying to appease the rest of you. Not that it seems to be working very well. He hasn’t been eating either I think , at least not here with us.” 

“But...he had an eating disorder didn’t he?!” 

“Yes , he did. Which is why he’s lasted this long I think. His body remembers.” 

“We can’t let it continue. We need to tell Bobby.” 

“Why? So he can get him thrown out permanently. I really don’t think that’s what will help Buck.” Hen sneered. 

“Bobby wouldn’t...well I know he was upset , but would he really get rid of Buck?” 

“I would have said no before this. Then he gave that little speech before Buck came back and now I’m not too sure. He’s letting his anger rule him.” 

“Buck did tell some pretty bad things about him and Eddie.” 

“So that makes it alright for us to treat him like shit? He hurt your feelings and now it’s fine that he’s starving himself and not talking?! That’s a really shitty thing to think.” Hen glared at him.

“I didn’t mean that. I just meant that he has a right to be mad is all.” 

“And Buck had the right to be mad that Bobby not only kept him from coming back to the job he loves , but he didn’t even have the balls to tell him before it happened.” 

“I...I guess I never thought about it like that.” Chim whispered. 

“I know. You all were so concerned with what happened to YOU , you forgot that Buck had been through more shit than he should ever have to deal with. Doug , the firetruck , the tsunami and then the blood clot. He was beaten up and just when he was sure that he would be back the man he trusted like a father kept him out. How would you react?”

“Well , when you put it that way...I can kind of understand. But suing us and the department along with Bobby.”

“So he acted a little impulsively. Does that mean that he gets punished forever?” 

“I see your point.” 

“I’m glad you got your head out of your ass.” 

“So what do we do now?”

“We be nice to Buck and hope that Bobby and Eddie can get their heads out of their asses.”

“Deal.” Chim said and smiled at her. 

@@@

Buck was passing out candy to kids while the rest of them were out on a call. He hadn’t even looked at them as they ran past. It hurt too much to watch them leave him behind. Lena not at all. If he could do what he wanted she would be far away from him and Eddie. But he had no place to want her gone. He had fucked up and lost Eddie , so if he wanted her then he wanted him to be happy. 

“So where are the  _ real _ firefighters?” a kid sneered at him. 

“They are out on a call right now. I’m a firefighter too , but someone had to stay behind to hand out candy.” Buck said softly. 

“Yeah right. Oh look , there they are now. Mom , can we go see the  _ real _ heros?” the kid asked , pulling on his mother’s arm. 

Buck watched as they walked off toward where the rest of the crew were getting out of the trucks. He couldn’t wait to go home. He knew that Christopher was supposed to be here , but he was still afraid that Eddie wouldn’t let him so much as look at him. 

“Daddy!” he heard as the next group came in. 

He watched as Christopher made his way toward Eddie. Lena was behind him and Buck looked at the odd look she had on her face. It was as though she didn’t like kids. He was worried about Christopher if Eddie was going to be with someone who didn’t like kids. Eddie made it to Christopher and swooped down , picked him up and swung him around. Buck fought the tears that threatened to fall. 

“Buck!” Christopher said as Eddie out him down. Buck looked over at them , afraid of what was going to happen. 

“Go on , Mijo.” Eddie said and nodded toward Buck. 

“Buck , I missed you so much!” Christopher said as he made his way to Buck and hugged him hard. 

“I missed you too superman.” Buck said as he squeezed him back , tears running down his face. 

Eddie watched the scene , his heart aching in his chest. Buck may have started the separation , but now Eddie was the one keeping them apart. It had to end. Tonight before the end of shift he was talking to Buck. He was making sure that Christopher was never sad because of him again. 

“Buck can we talk later?” Eddie asked. 

“Uh...ok.” Buck said quietly. 

He spent the next twenty minutes talking quietly with Christopher. Eddie let them talk together as he took over the candy station. Lena manned it with him , but kept to herself. Eddie wasn’t in a talking mood anyway. He was too busy watching Buck and his son. They both looked happier than they had been since before the tsunami. 

“Time to go Christopher.” Abuela told him quietly. 

“I don’t want to leave Buck.” Christopher said sadly. 

“It’s ok bud. You have to get to sleep before long. I don’t want you feeling bad cause you’re tired.” Buck told him. 

“I love you Buck.” Christopher hugged him. 

“I love you too , to the moon and back.” Buck said and waved as Christopher and Abuela left. 

“Can we talk now?” Eddie asked from behind him. 

“Yeah.” Buck said and waited. 

“Let’s put the decorations up and then we can talk.” Eddie told him as he saw the time. 

They took all the decorations and whatever was left from the table and put them back in boxes. They carried them across the bay to the storage closet. Once they put them all away Buck was standing in the middle of the bay between the trucks. He wasn’t sure where everyone else was , but he wasn’t sure that he wanted them to see whatever was going to happen. 

“Hey.” Eddie said as he came walking up. 

“Hi.” Buck whispered and looked down. 

“Buck , I wanted to talk about things. I’m worried about you.” 

“What?” 

“I saw you kind of trip. Are you taking care of yourself?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“I want to apologize about how I treated you since the trial. I should have been on your side , no matter what you did or said.” 

“I...I shouldn’t have used the Shannon stuff. I didn’t really have a choice.” 

“What does that mean?” Eddie asked , confused. 

“I can’t say right now , but as soon as I can I swear you’ll be the first to know.” 

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah , I can take a lot.” 

“I want you to be able to hang out with Christopher. I should have made sure that you both knew that you could still see each other. He was the happiest I’ve seen him in a while.” 

“I have something to tell you about that. I know this is going to make you mad , but I couldn’t leave him without letting him know that it wasn’t his fault and I knew that once things happened you wouldn’t be happy with me so I had to do something…” 

“Buck! It’s ok , just tell me.” 

“I got him a phone so he could talk to me if he needed.” Buck wrung his hands together and dropped his gaze. 

“I...I can’t believe...you are so thoughtful. I can’t believe with whatever you had going on that you thought of Christopher. I’m not mad.” Eddie said and Buck snapped his head up. 

“You mean that?” Buck whispered. 

“Yeah , I do. I...I want to try to make things right with us. Is that alright?” 

Buck looked at Eddie. He knew that he loved him more than anyone in the world , well maybe not Christopher. He had been so certain that Eddie would never even talk to him , let alone want to be with him again. He wanted to say yes so badly. But he had to think about it. 

The way that Eddie had reacted to what he was forced to do , even if he didn’t know he was forced , said a lot. He had spent a lot of time in an unhealthy relationship and he had sworn that he would never go back to that. He needed time. 

“I think that we should take time to evaluate things. I can’t harm myself just because I love you.” 

“I can understand that. How about for now we just be friends?” Eddie said. 

“I think that will be fine.” Buck smiled a small smile at him. 

“Can I have a hug?” Eddie asked. 

“Yeah.” Buck said and opened his arms. 

He was tentative at first , afraid that all this was a hallucination. Once he felt the warmth of Eddie against him he knew it was real and he squeezed harder. He buried his nose close to Eddie’s neck to take him in. He had missed this , but he knew that he was making the right decision. Eddie pulled back and hissed. 

“Are you ok?” Buck asked. 

“Yeah , I just pulled a muscle.” 

“How…” Buck started to ask , but was cut off by Bobby walking up. 

“Buck , things are slow and you’ve done all the chores so why don’t you just head home.” Bobby told him. 

“I..ok.” Buck said and went to grab his stuff. 

“Are you sure that this is the right way to treat him?” Eddie asked.

“I will run my house how I want.” Bobby said. 

“I just think it’s a mistake. He’s not right Cap , he felt thin when I hugged him. Just something to think about.” Eddie said and walked off. 

@@

Buck stopped on the way home at the convenience store to grab something to eat. He knew the options weren’t exactly healthy , but his stomach wouldn’t take much right now. It had been starved and abused and he was sure that anything too heavy would come right back up. He grabbed a box of crackers and a couple of bottles of ginger ale. 

He paid and walked out to make his way home when he saw it. At first he was sure he was hallucinating , he had to be. It took a moment for his brain to catch up and process what he was seeing. There was a woman in the car , but the crazy part was the man that was sticking through the windshield. He thought it was a decoration right up until it moved a leg. 

“Hey , lady!” Buck yelled at her , but she just drove off. 

He didn’t hesitate. He dropped the stuff he had bought and ran to his jeep. He knew he had to stop her. He dug for his phone and tried to dial 911 , hoping he didn’t get his sister. When a man answered he explained the situation , including who he was and then hung up. He drove past her , managing to get in front of her and get her to stop. 

“What the hell man?!” she yelled as he jumped out and ran to her window. 

“You have a man hanging out your windshield lady.” Buck told her. 

“You are crazy as shit dude.” she said and made a motion like she was going to drive around him. 

“Hey! You hit your head. There’s a large lump on it. You need help and he definitely does.” 

He reached in and got her keys before she could do anything and moved back away from the door. She opened the door and got out. He knew that the bump on her head was somehow making her kind of blind to the man she had hit and had probably been driving around with for a while. 

“Who do you think you are?” she asked angrily. 

“I’m a firefighter.” he said as he moved around to check on the man. 

“Well , your costume sucks.” she sneered. 

He ignored her as he heard sirens approaching. They could deal with her. He needed to check and see how bad the man was. From the first glance he looked dead. Buck opened the passenger door and leaned in to check for a pulse. He reached his neck and felt nothing. He sighed. 

“Ahhh!” the guy yelled suddenly. 

“Hey , it’s ok help is here man just hang on.” Buck told him as he reached up and held his body weight up to prevent further injury. 

After the paramedics got the guy out and on the way to the hospital along with the woman Buck was left to answer questions. He told the cops about seeing the woman at the store and chasing her down , how out of it she seemed. 

“We’ve been getting calls all day about this car. The first one came late last night. She’s just been cruising all day with him in her window.” 

“You think she hit him last night?!” 

“Looks like. The head injury must have wiped her memory. Halloween man.” 

“I know what you mean.” 

“Hey do you need to get that looked at?” 

“What?” Buck asked confused. 

“The arm.” the cop pointed. 

Buck looked down at his arm and was shocked to see the blood running down it pretty fast. He hadn’t even felt anything. It had to have been from the glass when he held up the man , but he didn’t know how long ago that was. 

“Yeah , I’m on blood thinners.” he said as he felt the world shift and go dark. 

The cop managed to catch him and ease him down while his partner called for another ambulance. They managed to slow the bleeding in route. Once he made it to the hospital they closed it with stitches and bandaged him up. He got a full workup while he remained out , the exhaustion keeping him asleep. 

@@

_ Ring...ring...ring… _

Bobby rolled over to get the phone. They were off today so he was at a loss as to who would be calling so early. Athena stirred next to him , but left the phone to him. Bobby finally managed to grab it and answer it. 

“Hello?” 

_ “Is this Robert Nash?” the voice asked.  _

“Yes , this is him.” 

_ “Mr. Nash this is Nurse Ender at Cedar Sinai Hospital. I have an Evan Buckley who has you listed as his emergency contact.” _

“Oh my God is he alright?” Bobby sat up quickly , Athena sitting up at the sound of his voice. 

_ “He came in last night bleeding from a cut to his arm. The blood thinners made him bleed more than normal. We’ve stitched it up , but he has been asleep ever since so we figured we might need to call you.”  _

“I’ll be right there.” Bobby hung up. 

“What’s going on?” Athena asked. 

“Buck was brought into the ER last night with a cut. They had to give him stitches. God , what if he did it himself?” 

“You really think he would hurt himself?”

“I don’t know. He’s been quiet and off since he came back. I didn’t exactly welcome him back.” 

“What? Robert Nash you better make things right with that boy. You go there and beg his forgiveness.” Athena told him sternly. 

“I will.” he told her. 

Bobby rushed to the hospital , every kind of scenario going through his head. Could Buck have been so unhappy , feeling so unwanted that he had tried to kill himself? He remembered what Eddie had said and he hated himself. He was holding his anger at Buck in and talking it out on the poor boy. He needed to make things right. 

He made it to the hospital and was directed to Buck’s room. He hadn’t been admitted , but he was still sleeping. He was escorted by a nurse in the back. He felt his hands sweating , he had no idea what he was going to find. 

“Ah , a visitor. I’m Dr. Nataki and you are?” a doctor said as they reached the room. 

“I’m Bobby Nash , Buck’s boss and his emergency contact.” 

“Good. Now , we’ve stopped the bleeding and he’s replaced what was lost by now. The only thing I’m concerned about is the malnourishment. He’s not been eating. We’ve got him on some IV nutrients to give him some of what he’s missing , but he needs to eat.” 

“So you’re saying he’s not eating?” 

“That’s what I’m saying. It’s part of why he passed out so easily.” 

“I’ll keep an eye on him doc.” Bobby told him seriously. 

“That’s good. The cut should heal nicely.” 

“Did he do that to himself?” 

“Oh , no. He stopped a woman who had been driving around with a man in her windshield. He rendered aid to the man and was cut on the windshield glass.” 

“Thank you , Doc.” Bobby shook his hand and walked into the room. 

Buck looked so small in that white bed. Bobby hated seeing him back here so soon. This had been what he wanted to avoid. If Buck wasn’t working , he wasn’t in danger. Although it seemed eved if he wasn’t working he was still a hero. Bobby knew that he had been badly wrong. 

“Hmmm.” Buck moaned and started to wake up.

“Hey , take it easy. You’re alright.” 

“Cap , what happened?” 

“Something about a man in a windshield last night. Ringing any bells?” 

“Oh , the lady had been driving around with him. I remember now.” 

“Do you remember passing out after getting cut?”

“Yeah.” he looked at his bandaged arm. 

“They also found you haven’t been eating. I know things were bad , but you can’t hurt yourself.” 

“I didn’t mean to. I just felt so sick and then I wasn’t hungry. I stopped for food when I saw her.” 

“Part of that is my fault. I shouldn’t have been so angry with you. I’m sorry. I was afraid that I was going to lose you so I tried to take you out of danger. Instead I hurt you myself.” 

“I get it now Bobby. I was worried when they told me I was bleeding.” 

“I want to wipe the slate clean. You really come back , no more staying behind and no more chores. You eat with us and work with us and laugh with us.” 

“I think I can deal with that.” Buck said quietly. 

“I just want you better. I can’t put my fears and anger on you. You deserve better than that.” 

“Thank you.” Buck said and his eyes drifted closed , the exhaustion still plaguing him. 

Bobby stayed by his side until they were ready to discharge him. He called Athena and told her what had happened. She was still upset with him for how he had acted with Buck , but she was glad that Buck would be alright. He was sure that when he got out she would be making sure he ate and was doing ok. She , like him , cared about Buck. 

He had wormed his way under her skin as well as his. And even into their hearts. As he sat there watching Buck sleep he realized the truth of why he worried so much about him. He had become like a son to him. He smiled as Buck snuffled in his sleep. 

His son. 


	6. One Step Forward Two Steps Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know. Took longer than I wanted. Make sure to comment. Hoping to get caught up before the premiere of 3B. Look for the Facebook group too. Here we go.

“You need to keep the wound clean until it heals. The stitches will dissolve when it’s healed so there is no need to come back to get them removed. Now the eating situation. Normally I would be recommending anorexic clinics or support groups , but your Captain has assured me that he will monitor your eating habits.” the doctor told Buck as he signed his discharge paperwork. 

“I understand doc and I won’t let it get worse.” 

“I imagine things have just gotten out of hand lately. What with the fire truck injury , the embolism. You just need to make time for yourself and to take care of you first.” 

“Thanks again Doc.” Buck said as he took the papers from him and got up. 

He had spent the whole night in the ER and half of the morning since Bobby showed up. Things were by no means fixed between them , but it was at least pointed in the right direction for now. It would go further once Buck was able to tell everyone about the plot with Chief Edwards and the lawyer. He hadn’t seen or heard from anyone else yet. 

“So are you good to go?” Bobby asked as Buck came out of the room. 

“Yeah , doc gave me all my instructions and a prescription for antibiotics to be on the safe side.” 

“Let’s go get your truck so you can get home and ready to get back to work tomorrow.” 

“You...you sure I can work tomorrow?” Buck asked quietly , he had figured that Bobby would make him stay home at least. 

“Yeah , I told you I want you back with us. Working as a team again , not on chore duty.” 

“Oh. I thought maybe I dreamed that.” Buck whispered , head ducked down. 

“Buck , I promise that things are going to be different from now on. I will make this right no matter how long it takes me to get you to believe me.” 

Buck didn’t say anything more. They made the rest of the ride to the place where Buck had stopped the woman the night before in silence. Buck was thinking things over. He knew that he wasn’t going to forgive him just like that. He wasn’t wired that way. He had spent too long in toxic environments to go back to that. 

He was proud of himself for recognizing that. 

“I’ll see you for shift tomorrow.” Bobby told him.

“Yeah , I’ll see you.” Buck said as he climbed out and walked to his truck. 

@@

Eddie felt like he was crawling out of his skin. He had talked to Buck sure , but then the things that Bobby had said. He was worried about Buck. He felt so out of control and he knew how to get back in control , but he didn’t want to. The fights made him feel in control , but if he was going to get back with Buck he had to give them up.

But there was a little voice in his head saying  _ ‘But Buck wasn’t ready to get back with him’ _

Eddie paced back and forth in his living room. He had left Christopher at his Abuela’s house so he could enjoy the holiday with his cousins. If he was being honest with himself he also did it so he would be free to head back out to the fights. He ran his hand down his face in frustration. 

He couldn’t handle the anxiety , he needed the fights. It was like he had become addicted to it. He craved them , the rush of adrenaline when he beat his opponent. He even liked the feeling of losing a little. It was like that was his punishment for everything that was going wrong lately. 

Each hit was for letting Shannon come back and rape him. For letting Buck get hurt and pinned under the fire truck. For not listening when he wanted to talk to him before the lawsuit happened. Now for being pissed and treating him like shit after when he was going through something. 

He snatched his keys off the table and headed out. 

@@

The ring was easy pickings. Eddie gave as good as he got and he got good. He was aching and scratched up by the end of the night. He felt like he was back in control again. His pain easing the guilt a little more. 

“You were pretty good out there tonight.” a man said as he was throwing his stuff in his truck. 

“Oh , thanks.” Eddie said, looking at the man. 

“How would you like to make some real money doing this?” 

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked. 

“I run one of these , I’m always looking for talent. We pay bigger winnings , it’s just a little higher stake. We knock out or tap out.” 

“That sounds dangerous.” 

“I’m sure a fighting man like you will win more than he loses. How would you like to have enough to pay for whatever you want , maybe a new truck?” 

“I don’t think so. I don’t need more money.” Eddie shook his head , it was about penance not getting rich. 

“Well , then I really hate to do this. I thought you would say yes and I wouldn’t have to. I looked into you after the first fight you fought. I know exactly what you do for a living Mr. Diaz. I doubt your Captain would be happy to know you were involved in illegal street fighting. Or children and families.” 

“You son of a bitch!” Eddie snarled. 

“Say yes and it stays between us.” 

“Fuck you. When and where?” 

“Nice attitude. When’s your next free night?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Here’s my number. You better figure it out.” 

The guy walked off and Eddie felt that control slipping away. He sent his hand smashing through the window of the truck.  _ What the fuck was he supposed to do now? _ He was trapped , he couldn’t get out of the fights or tell Bobby what was going on , both would lead to him being suspended at best and fired at worst. 

And he would lose Buck for good.

He needed to talk to someone. There was only one person he could talk to about this and not lose everything. He really didn’t want to , she was a sore point with Buck. At this point he had no other choice , she was the only one who would be able to help. He needed to see Lena. 

@@@

Buck slowly pulled his arm through his work shirt sleeve. It was tender still and the stitches made the skin feel tight when he extended it. He could deal with it though because he was at work and this time things were going to be better , he had talked to Bobby and he promised. 

“Hey , Buck. How’s the arm?” Chim asked as he walked in the locker room. 

“Hey. It’s alright.” things were still iffy with the others. 

“Listen , about when you came back the first time. I want to say I’m sorry for the way I acted. No matter how upset I was I should never have been a dick to you. I should have remembered after my accident how it felt when I thought I would never be a firefighter again.” 

“Yes , you should have. I was there for you. This job is the first real thing I had since Doug and I freaked when it was threatened. I did what I was told by the lawyer , he needed to know things so I told him.” Buck was walking a fine line with the truth and not revealing his true reasoning. 

“I get that now. We all owe you apologies and I hope that one day you can forgive me.” 

“It’ll take time to build that trust back up again. But I’m sure we’ll get there. Besides you and my sister keep dating , one day we’ll be brothers for real.” Buck told him with a smile. 

“Funny. So how about I take your chores for the day , makeup for all of mine you had to do.” 

“That’s up to you.” Buck replied , he didn’t want to make Bobby rethink his decision , but he also thought it wasn’t a bad way to start mending things between them. 

Chim left to get started on the chores and Buck finished getting dressed. He wondered where Eddie was , he hadn’t seen him since their heart to heart. He missed him , but was still standing firm on his decision to keep things in the friendzone. 

Buck walked out of the locker room , thinking of heading up to get some breakfast. He knew that Bobby would make sure he ate everything , he’d probably even make his plate for him. Buck drew the line at letting the man feed him though. He looked across the bay and spotted Eddie. 

Only he wasn’t alone , he was with Lena. Buck felt his heart plummet. He knew that Eddie loved him , he had practically thrown himself at his feet and begged him to take him back , but that woman rubbed him the wrong way. She had been cruel to Buck , the others too , but she was worse in a way because she was new. 

He watched as Eddie gestured with his hands the way he did when he was agitated about something. Lena reached out and put her hand on his shoulder and rubbed her thumb back and forth on the spot. Buck felt jealousy curl in his gut. He should walk away and try to put this out of his mind , but he was rooted to the spot. 

Lena leaned in and hugged Eddie who didn’t pull away. Buck felt tears pooling in his eyes and forced his feet to move. He made his way to the bathroom to try to get himself together before facing the rest of the team for breakfast. 

The image of the two of them hugging didn’t help his appetite at all. 

@@

“What is going on?” Lena asked as Eddie cornered her. 

“I need your help. I went back after you brought me that one time. I’ve been fighting and I do good. Except the other night this guy comes up to me , tells me how good I am and how I can make a ton of money fighting for him.” 

“Please tell me you didn’t say yes?” Lena asked. 

“No , I told him I didn’t need the money. He didn’t like that , said he looked into me. He knows I’m a firefighter , about Christopher , all of it. He threatened to reveal what I’ve been doing unless I fight for him.” 

“Shit. I knew that guy was trouble. I’ve seen him recruiting at the fights sometimes , mostly people always said yes. He never asked me so I didn’t know he blackmailed people.” 

“What am I going to do? I can’t tell anyone and I can’t turn the guy down , either way my secret comes out and I lose everything.” 

“I don’t know , but we can figure things out. I promise things will be ok.” Lena gripped his arm and rubbed. 

“I don’t know how.” Eddie sighed. 

He turned and made his way up to the loft for breakfast. He looked around and saw the others , but no Buck. He took a seat and waited. Buck came walking up the stairs , head down and quiet. He took a seat across from Eddie and he tried not to be hurt by it. Buck usually sat next to him. 

“Before we eat and start on the day I want to talk to you. Things have been wrong here since the tsunami and it ends now. Buck may have sued me and the department , but that does not give us the right to treat him like shit. I never should have let my anger rule me and let this house do anything other than welcome him back with open arms. Anyone caught being unfriendly to him in any way after this moment will deal with me. Is that understood?” 

“Yes Cap.” rang out from everyone. 

Buck dared to look up and see how everyone was taking the news. Most of them had smiles on their faces as he met their eyes. Lena was not one of them , she had a glare on her face , though she looked like that normally , Buck could see the hatred in her eyes. He flinched a little and dropped his gaze back to his plate. 

He finished eating in silence , his eyes never leaving his plate until the alarm rang out. 

“You coming Buck?” Bobby said as everyone jumped up except him. 

“Oh , I...yeah.” Buck stuttered out in disbelief. He still worried that this was all a dream. 

@@

“Are you doing ok?” Maddie said as Buck opened the door. 

“Come on in.” Buck said as she pushed her way in as soon as he stepped back with the door. 

“I should have checked on you sooner , I know things were not going to be pleasant with the lawsuit. Chim told me how they acted when you came back.”

“I can understand how they felt.” Buck started. 

“That is no damn excuse! I let him know exactly how I felt after he told me what was going on. He’s not getting out of the dog house until you tell me things are better.” 

“Whoa! I never said it was an excuse. I told them that while I understand things , I’m not going to just forgive them. Doug taught me all about toxic relationships and I’m not about to go there again. Even Eddie isn’t getting a free pass.” Buck went and sat down on the couch. 

“That’s good. I can’t believe they thought that it was alright to treat you like their slave. I’m so proud of how you’re handling this.” 

“Thanks. Now can we talk about something else please?” Buck pleaded. 

“Yes. So how was it being back out on calls?”

“So there was an accident at an Ice show , we had to find all this one guy’s finger that got sliced off. You’ll never guess what we learned about Bobby though.” 

@@@

Maddie had helped him dig up info on Bobby while he competed in ice skating as a kid. She had found his partner and Buck had given her a call. She was a nice woman who had liked what he had planned for surprising Bobby. She sent him the perfect picture and told him to call if he needed anything else. 

It was surprisingly cheap to get the cardboard cutout made , he had never had one made before it was interesting to see in action. He couldn’t wait to give it to Bobby the next day. He wrapped the cutout so he could get it into the station without ruining the surprise. He propped the finished product against the wall next to the front door. 

_ Ring...ring...ring…  _

“Hello?” Buck answered. 

“Buckley , Edwards here. I have an update on the lawyer. He still hasn’t cashed the check , we’re not sure why not. We have people looking into him , following him to see what he’s up to. Hopefully we can get him soon.” 

“I understand. Things are alright right now.” 

“I heard about your heroics on Halloween. Good job son. I really hope we can catch this bastard soon. I don’t want you to have gone through hell for nothing.” 

“Thank you sir.” Buck told him as he hung up. 

He was hoping they had caught him already. He wanted the asshole behind bars. 

@@@

Eddie followed the directions to the fight club. He had called the man and had been sent the directions with instructions to be there tonight. Lena had been no help yet on how to get out of this mess. He would have to play by his rules until he found a way out. 

“Hope you came ready to win, pretty boy. There’s a lot of money on you tonight. They like to get their money’s worth.” 

“I fight then I go home.” Eddie glared at him. 

“Just remember it’s a show these people want. Do good and you get to take home a ton of cash.” 

Eddie was fighting third. His opponent was built like a house , weighing maybe fifty or more pounds than him. He was a little worried about it. He had usually fought guys around the same size as him. This guy was huge and instead of someone keeping the fights somewhat safe , here it was knock out or tap out. 

No way were these macho assholes tapping out. He was going to have to play this as safe as possible or he could end up hurt. He was sure that if he didn’t put on a good show there was going to be a threat of exposure again. He took a deep breath and stepped in the ring. 

Even though the guy he was fighting was huge Eddie had the advantage of speed. He was able to dodge most of the hits and land a few. He made sure the fight stretched out so they enjoyed it and then he went in for the knockout. A lucky swing and the guy went down cold. 

“Keep that up and this is going to work out just fine.” the guy told Eddie as he handed him his winnings. 

Eddie just turned and walked off. He had to fight , he didn’t have to be nice to the guy. He hopped in his truck after throwing his stuff in the back seat , careful of the plastic covering the window he had broken. Christopher had asked about it and he had lied , said something fell and hit it. He didn’t want his son to know the anger that raged inside him. 

He looked at the envelope in his hands as he sat there. He didn’t want the money , too much like blood money. But he couldn’t deny that he could use it. He tried to think of what to do. He had been paid while in the army , that was blood money too if you thought about it. There wasn’t much difference. He pulled it out to count it. 

There was $2,300 dollars there. 

@@@

Eddie pulled up to work and honked when he saw Buck. He had wrestled with the decision , but in the end when he had pulled in the drive and the a.c. had belched out smoke his mind was made up for him. He had driven down to the dealership and picked out a new ride. $2,300 is a nice down payment. 

As long as he was forced to fight he might as well use the money for good.

“What happened to the truck?” Buck asked as Eddie parked and crawled out. 

“The A.C. died in it , I can't drive Christopher around this summer in that heat. I decided to bite the bullet and get a better vehicle. The cost to fix just the A.C. plus the fact that things have been failing on it pretty steadily , this was the better option in the long run.” Eddie told him. 

“I guess that makes sense. I bet the payments suck on that though.” 

“A little. So what do you have there?” Eddie gestured to the large object wrapped in brown paper. 

“I got a surprise for Bobby. I did some digging after the ice skating revelation yesterday.” Buck smiled shyly. 

“I bet he’ll get a big kick out of it.” Eddie said , not wanting this moment to end. He was enjoying feeling like things were back to the way they were supposed to be. 

“Need some help?” Eddie asked.

“I could use a hand.” Buck replied. 

They made their way into the station and looked to make sure that Bobby wasn’t lurking nearby. Buck saw Hen and Chim make their way over when they walked into the loft. He appreciated the way they were trying to make things right and at the same time respecting if he wanted some distance. 

“What you got there Buckaroo?” Hen asked.

“Something for Cap.” Buck said and stood it up. 

“This I gotta see.” Chim stepped closer. 

Buck grabbed the top corner of the wrapping paper and tore it off. He smiled when the others realized what it was. He had laughed for a while when the picture had come through. Who knew that Bobby had looked so odd as a child? He couldn’t decide which was the funnier part , the spiked hair , the braces or the sequined outfit. 

“Where on earth did you find this?” Chim asked as he tried not to laugh. 

“Me and Maddie managed to track down his couples skating partner and give her a call. She was very helpful once I explained who I was and what I wanted to do.”

“You are amazing and a little scary Ba...Buck.” Eddie said in awe , almost slipping by calling him babe. 

“Thanks. Now I think we stand it here and stand in front of it until Bobby comes up here.” Buck ducked his head , bashful of the praise Eddie gave him. 

“Let’s do it.” Hen said.

@@@

Bobby enjoyed the surprise. The life size cut out of him during his Ice skating phase was a nice touch for Buck. He still couldn’t believe that Buck had managed to track down his old partner. Apparently he could look forward to an Email later. He smiled as he saw Athena in the kitchen. 

“Run out of things to do at the house , hon?” Bobby asked as they all came into the kitchen.

“I’ve organized the entire house , cabinets , closets. I went through the clothes and even the stuff in the attic. If I didn’t leave the house I was going to go crazy. So I’m here making my five hour chili.” 

“Well , I guess we don’t have to worry about spring cleaning for a while. Just don’t get any ideas about rearranging this kitchen please.” Bobby smiled at her. 

“I won’t. How are all you doing today?” she turned her attention to the others. 

“Fine.” everyone chimed. 

“Buck , how about you?” Athena asked as she looked over the youngest. 

“I’m doing ok. But um...why aren’t you at work if it’s not too rude to ask?” 

“I forgot you weren’t...well why don’t I let Athena tell you about it. Guys why don’t we set the table.” Bobby nodded toward the table.

“I want you to know that I jumped all over his ass for what he was doing , for treating you the way he was. He was so upset when the hospital called. I told him to get his head out of his ass and make things right.” 

“I bet he was scared when you went all momma Grant on him.” Buck smiled sadly. 

“Yeah , he was. Anyway , while you were in the hospital I was following a new lead on an old case. One involving my first fiance.” 

“You were married before Michael?” Buck asked in shock. 

“No , I wasn’t. I was going to be a lawyer until I met this guy who was recruiting for the police academy. I fell in love and decided to become a police officer instead. I wanted to stop crime and change the world from the front lines.” Athena smiled sadly. 

“So what happened?” 

“He was killed stopping at the store on his way home. I had asked him to pick up some things. A guy robbed the store and shot him. They never found his killer.” 

“But you said you were following a new lead.” 

“I did. Tracked things all the way to the killer. He turned his life around after that and tried to right his wrong to God. They had to suspend me though because I went rogue.” 

“But you found his killer , brought him to justice.” 

“I still disobeyed my superiors. But I can live with that. It may drive me crazy to be home instead of at work , but at the end of the day I found the man responsible for taking my first love from this world. So I can live with it.” 

“I’m sorry that happened to you either way. But it led you to Michael and eventually Bobby.” 

“Yes it did. So how are you holding up since the hospital?” 

“Better than it was. I haven’t forgiven them yet , still making them earn the trust back , but we’re working on things.” 

“That’s good. Don’t let them sweet talk you into forgiving them until you’re ready.”

“I won’t. Let’s get this food ready to eat. What do you say?”

“That’s the Buck I know and love , all about that food.” Athena chuckled. 

They finished prepping the food and moving it to the table from the kitchen. Everyone gathered around the table taking their places as Buck and Athena placed the last dish on the table. Athena moved to sit next to Bobby , Hen was next to Chim and Buck was about to take his place next to Eddie when Lena slid into the seat instead. Buck stopped mid step and changed his direction , pushing the embarrassment and sick feeling down that she had gotten to him again. 

Buck took the seat across from Eddie and glanced up at him. He looked like he was going to say something , but Buck shook his head when Eddie met his gaze. He didn’t want to make more trouble then he already had. They dug in and tried to get to the meal in before they got another call. 

@@@

“You know he’s not going to just go back to the way things were just because you said sorry.” Lena said as Buck came out of the bathroom. 

“I’m sorry?” Buck said , sure that she hadn’t said what he thought she had. 

“You up and left him and his kid. You really think that saying sorry fixes that? That kid has been having nightmares , screaming out for you and you weren’t there.”

“What do you know about any of that?” 

“He talks to me. He needed someone to talk to when you shut him out. I was there.” Lena shrugged. 

“I…” Buck began but the alarm blaring cutting him off. 

They ran to get their gear on. Buck still wasn’t used to going on calls again. He tried to get his head in the game and forget what Lena had said. He worried that they wouldn’t be able to ever get back to the place they were. To have that much trust or even be back together again. He wrung his hands together as they raced toward the latest call , something about an accident at a fulfillment center. 

They were led to an area where shelves had been knocked over and a man was trapped. They managed to get the story from some of the other employees after Buck discovered the robot that was going crazy smelled like pee. Apparently the manager had taken their bathroom breaks away to keep up with the robot productivity and the guy had taken a piss on the nearest robot in anger. 

“We have to lift the shelves on both sides at the same time while Hen and Chim are ready to treat any injury once it’s removed. Eddie , you and Buck take the shelves.” Bobby instructed. 

“On it.” they all said. 

Buck moved to his side and waited for Bobby to give the order. He looked over the patient , his legs pinned under the metal shelving , blood oozing down his legs and pooling beneath him. Buck felt his heart race a little , the air turning hot in the room. He placed his hands on the shelf , looking at Eddie doing the same. 

The words felt muffled as Bobby told them to be ready. He felt his leg throb and for a moment he was back under the truck. He could smell the fire of the truck burning , the smoke burning his nose and he felt his whole body tingle as though it had fallen asleep. His heart was flying now. 

“BUCK!” he snapped his head up. 

“What?” he replied , everyone was looking at him in concern. 

“You alright?” Eddie asked. 

“Yeah , I was just…” 

“Buck , I get it. Bosko help Diaz.” Bobby said with an understanding look in his eye. 

“No , I can do this. It was a moment , it’s over now.” he pleaded. 

Bobby looked at him for a moment , searching for something. Finally he nodded and Lena went back to the stretcher. Together they lifted the shelves off of him and stabilized him , clamping off the bleeding arteries that threatened to kill him in minutes. Buck and Eddie helped get him on the stretcher so Hen and Chim could rush him to the hospital. Hen hopped in the front as they closed the doors on Chim. 

“It’s ok to have moments you know.” Bobby said as they watched the ambo roll away. 

“I know. That was just the first time something like that has happened.” Buck said quietly. 

“It was close to what you experienced. It triggered the memories.” 

“I had it all the time when I got back from my tours.” Eddie added.

“I think I should see someone. Talk about everything and see if I can’t get my life back on track again.” Buck told them. 

“I think that’s a good idea.” Bobby said. 

_ ‘Ambulance involved in an MVA with a civilian vehicle. All available units in the area of Conroy and 5th please respond and provide assistance.’ _

“Shit , that’s right around the corner! You don’t think?” Buck asked. 

“Hen , Chim...we need to go now!” Bobby ordered. 

They all piled into the truck , each holding their breath as they raced toward their own. They came around the last corner and saw the carnage. The ambulance was crushing a small car. Hen was in Athena’s arms as Chim tried to get the driver out. They jumped into action , pulling her from the car and helping Chim try to revive her. 

Hen was safe in Athena’s arms. She would hold her together while they tried to save the woman. Buck looked from the woman to Hen , she was waiting , barely holding it together. Buck forgot all of his troubles , there were worse things than being at odds with the team. There was this , death and the taking of an innocent life in a tragic accident. 

Chim looked up to them before he looked at Hen and shook his head. Hen let out a wail that was pure pain. Buck felt the tears well in his eyes , his heart breaking as Hen collapsed in Athena’s arms. He looked to Eddie and saw the pain reflected in his eyes. He knew then that things had to be fixed between all of the team and him. 

Life was too short to be holding grudges. 


	7. Radioactive ☢

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I made it to 1 behind before the new episodes. Now those of you that don't know there's a facebook group for Buddie just search 911 Buck/Eddie fans. Now I hope I caught all the mistakes , if not point them out. And COMMENT I love reading your detailed reactions to this story!

“We had Mackey followed. To see what he’s been doing instead of cashing the check. He’s been calling someone , we don’t know who yet , but he’s planning something big.” Chief Edwards sighed. 

“So what is the plan? Because I can’t just keep dealing with this.” Buck asked. 

“Look kid whatever he’s planning is bigger than whatever you are dealing with.” the cop at the meeting sneered. 

“Don’t diminish his trouble. He’s the one taking all the risk for us. Buckley , if we don’t find what we need soon you can tell them what happened. They won’t blow it I think.” 

“If he goes blabbing Mackey might find out. Who knows what lengths he would go to to keep that big of a payout.” 

“You really think he’d be able to find out what we’re doing?”

“I think he could have people watching him. We don’t know who he’s talking to , he could have someone inside close to you.” 

“Just figure it out and end this.” Buck whispered. 

“We’re working on it.” Edwards promised.

Buck nodded and headed out. He had a shift to get to. He made his way to a bakery to grab some pastries for everyone before he showed up. They were all working on getting back to how things were , little moments were helping. 

Buck walked in and set the box on the counter for everyone to find when they came in. He made sure to eat his. Bobby was checking on him every shift to make sure he was eating. He had taken to making him meals packed with extra protein to get his weight back up. 

“Hey , what have you got there?” Eddie asked as he walked up behind Buck. 

“Pastries. I figured I would do something nice on the way this morning.” Buck shrugged.

“Buck , you don’t need to do that. We’re not holding things against you , you know.” 

“I know , but I wanted to. I know how much you guys like the pastries from Virgilio's.” 

“We do. How have you been doing with things , eating enough?” Eddie stepped closer.

“I ate one before you came in. Plus you know that Bobby has been making me meals. I am doing pretty good. How’s Chris?” 

“He misses you , but I told him you were ok. He said he understands though.” Eddie shook his head. He was happy that Christopher was handling things so well.

“I miss him too. I miss both of y’all. But I still stand by the decision to take time. Make things right and fix what happened before.” Buck sighed.

“I respect that.” Eddie smiled a little sadly. 

Buck leaned into him , wanting to comfort him , but not knowing how to without overstepping the friend's line. He wavered unsure what to do , but the choice was taken from him when he heard someone make their way up the stairs. He looked up and saw that it was Lena. She sneered at him and made her way over to the table. 

“Hey , can I talk to you?” she asked Eddie , ignoring Buck.

“Ugh , yeah give me a second.” Eddie said , his eyes darting to Buck. 

“Don’t worry about it. I need to get ready for shift anyway.” Buck said and ducked his head as he walked around them to the stairs. 

“What the hell?” Eddie whispered as Buck made his way to the locker room.

“I think I have a way to get that guy to leave you alone , but you’re going to have to fight a couple more times.” 

“I’ll take anything to get out of this. I should never have gotten into it.” Eddie shook his head at his own stupidity. 

“I’ll let you know what the plan is.” Lena said and she walked off. 

@@@

“What do we have Cap?” 

“Caller said she was hit with something that fell out of the ceiling. Reports are that there was a meteor shower. It’s possible that one made it all the way through to hit her house.” 

“I love meteors. Did you know that they..” Buck began , rattling off facts until they pulled up to the call.

“We’re here. Head in the game.” Bobby said. 

“Ma’am , where is the victim?” Chim asked as they filed out of the truck to a woman who had run toward them. 

“She’s in here. She was sick and got a package off her porch and went back in. The next thing I know she’s screaming and there was a loud bang before that. I ran in and she was like this.” the woman said as they walked into the living room.

There was the victim , a young woman laid on her couch below a hole in her roof. She was panting and tense. Eddie and Buck carried the bags in while Hen and Chim started to look her over and hook her up to get her vitals. 

“Can you tell us what happened?” Eddie asked her. 

“I was laying here and it came through the ceiling. Only I would get hit with a meteor.” she cried. 

“Actually there was one other person in like1932.” Buck said excitedly. 

“He has a thing for natural disasters. He was in the tsunami.” Eddie smiled at her odd look at Buck. 

Buck ducked his head , shy at what Eddie knew about him. He missed that. He laid on the floor on his back to check if the meteor went straight through her and the couch. He found a hole under the couch and rolled over to see the hole in the floor. He scooted back out. 

“We need to move her , it went all the way through her into the couch and the floor.” Buck said as he stood. 

“Why am I not bleeding then?” she said leaning up to look at the wound. 

“It was hot. When it went through you it burned it’s way through , sealing the blood vessels as it went. It basically put a hole in you but healed the damage at the same time. They’ll have to clean the area at the hospital , but you should be fine.” 

Hen and Chim helped her off the couch and on the stretcher to put her in the ambo. Buck and Eddie grabbed the couch once they moved her out of the house. Buck knelt down and grabbed a pair of tongs. He reached in the hole that went under the house and grabbed the still smoking rock. 

“Does this mean I get to keep it?” Buck asked. 

“I highly doubt that. I’m sure someone wants that to either study or as a souvenir.” Bobby said with a laugh. 

@@@

“I really don’t care that he’s making up with his boyfriend. I want him to pay for what he’s done.” Chase said as he slammed his hands on the desk. 

“I said if I helped you , I wanted Diaz. This isn’t me getting what I wanted.” 

“I wanted millions. Yet here I am forced to wait because it was all a part of a sting to catch me. Suck it up.”

“He’s supposed to be mine! What is the damn plan?” 

“I need to get rid of him in an accident. If he’s killed the settlement is mine since I was the other winning party attached to the case. You need to find a way for him to die in a tragic accident.” 

“I can’t just push him off a building or into a fire. He’s always with Eddie.” 

“Make it happen or neither of us will ever get what we want and that won’t bode well for you dear. Remember I got you out of your jam with some of this money. If I don’t get it , I can’t buy you out and your friend stops toying with Diaz and comes back to you,” 

“I know. I just hope while all this is taking forever Eddie doesn’t get hurt fighting. Markus wasn’t supposed to put him in big fights. He was only supposed to make him think he was trapped so I could save him after you pay Markus what he asks to let me out.” 

“I know , but again it all hinges on us getting that money. You should just be glad that I know a crooked guy in the unit that is trying to bust me on this. If we hadn’t gotten the heads up about Buckley being a plant we never would have been able to do any of this. We’d be behind bars.” 

“I’ll see what I can do about getting rid of him. Maybe I can get rid of the kid too. Then it’ll be just me and Eddie.” 

“What is your obsession with that man?” Chase looked at her incredulously.

“Ever since he helped me out in that Tsunami I’ve wanted him. That stupid idiot he loves has just been in the way.” 

“You need help. Oh well , not my problem.” Chase shrugged. 

“Fuck you.” 

“Very nice language for a lady , Lena. Now get out of here and let me think. And leave out the back , no need to let them know you’re working with me.” Chase shooed her away. 

@@@

Lena Bosko had been a firefighter for 8 years now. She fought her way through the academy, dealing with chauvinist pigs who looked more at her ass than her abilities. She had had a hard life and an even harder climb through the LAFD. 

Her obsession with Eddie Diaz began when he had pulled her from the waters of the tsunami where she had lost her team. Not that she was too torn up about them. Especially not Jenkins. He had been sexually assaulting her for three months when he had been swept away in the flood waters. 

Sure she had been to the fights , did pretty good too. But that was where she could fight back without fear of consequences. At work if she tried to resist or report him he had a whole group of good ole boy friends to vouch for him. 

She was on her own , so she did what she had to to survive. 

But there was more to it than that. Her parents had practically ignored her existence as a child and a combination of an undiagnosed mental disorder and her anger combined to make her unstable. 

To the point she was not to be pitied for her actions. 

When the lawyer tracked her down , told her that he had a plan to get her away from the sleaze ball that ran the worst fight ring , she had jumped at the chance. He had done with her as he did with Eddie , dug into her past and used everything to trap her in the fights. Now she was recruiting , but she still had to fight. 

The lawyer had a plan to get big money from the city and the fire department. He knew that the building was doing a drill , one little accident and he could pick up some clients. But the big fish was one of the new fire marshalls. He had been the famous firefighter pinned under the fire truck. 

He promised to pay off that idiot Markus Dorhety to get her out of the fights. All she had to do was help him isolate the firefighter in question , make him feel unwanted by his station , replaceable. Once she realized that doing all that would push a wedge between him and Eddie she knew she was going to say yes. 

Of course that was all before it was apparently a ruse to get Mackey arrested. She didn’t need this shit. 

@@@

_ ‘9:30 fight , be here.’ _ was all the text said. 

“Everything alright?” Buck asked as he came into the locker room. 

“Yeah , it’s nothing.” 

“Oh , ok.” Buck nodded and went back toward his locker still tucked in the back. 

“I hope Bosko gets sent back to her house soon. I miss you right next to me.” Eddie said as he came to lean against the lockers by Buck. 

“I miss being up there with you guys , I feel like the bad puppy that got put in the dog house.” 

“You are not the bad puppy! Although you do have the eyes , bat them and I’d fall at your feet.” Eddie admitted. 

“You...I…” 

“I know , friends. I can still admit that I love you and everything about you. That will never change no matter what our relationship.” 

“I can understand that.” 

“I gotta head out , but I’ll see you later.” Eddie smiled. 

“Yeah , see you.” 

Eddie left Buck there to change and head home , wherever that was now. He had to get home and take Christopher to Abuela’s so he could make it to the fights on time. He felt shame that he had only just recently wanted to be there. Had thought he needed them. Now he would give anything to get away from it all. 

He ignored the disappointment in Chris’ eyes when he told him that he wouldn’t be home to watch movies with him. He even ignored the searching gaze his Abuela gave him when he gave her some flimsy excuse. He didn’t need to feel even worse. 

“Good , you made it on time. Tonight you fight first.” The guy , Dorhety he had learned was his name , told him as he came in the makeshift changing rooms. 

“Good , sooner I’m done the sooner I can go home.” Eddie muttered. 

“Just make the fight a good one and you can go home right after you’re done.” 

Eddie’s opponent was a big , muscled guy. He was good at what he did too. He got quite a few hits on Eddie , but there was no way that Eddie was losing this fight. He had Christopher to go home to , no way was he doing it beat to hell or with a pit stop to the hospital. 

He hit him with a quick left/right and the guy stumbled back. Eddie knew he was done , but there were rules. Tap out or knock out and he hadn’t done either yet. As much as Eddie hated it and himself , he knew that he had to end it that way. If the guy wouldn’t tap out he was going to have to knock him out. He threw a roundhouse kick at him, catching him in the face , hoping to end it. 

He bounced away as the crowd cheered. He pretended to like it when all he wanted was to get home. He turned to look and saw the guy on the ground struggling to breathe. His heart dropped as he ran to him and hit his knees. He tilted his head back so he could see and open his airway more. There was blood in his nose. 

“He needs help now. Call 911!” he yelled as he reached in his mouth to try to find the piece of bone he had knocked down his throat. 

“No fucking way man! This is an illegal street fight , we don’t do cops.” Dorhety told him. 

“He’ll die if he doesn’t get help soon.” Eddie told him seriously. 

“He knew the risk.” 

“Fuck you.” Eddie said as he jumped up and grabbed one of the spectators phones through the fence. 

“You make that call and you can kiss everything goodbye! They’ll know all about you and what you were doing here.” he warned Eddie as the others began to scatter. 

“I don’t care. I’m not letting a man die for me!” Eddie said and hit send.

Eddie hid as the ambulance and the fire truck came up. He knew that he had to come clean or else Dorehty would , but he wanted tonight to make things right. He spotted the cops arriving and knew he would have to wait till everyone was gone to leave. He found a spot and tucked himself into it to wait them out. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Athena asked , scaring the shit out of him. 

“Athena!” Eddie jumped and nearly hit his head. 

“Yeah , it’s me. Now answer the damn question.” 

“I...after Buck...Lena took me to the fights. At first I just watched , but I was so damn angry that I came back later and fought. It felt good to let it all out here instead of at home or with Buck.”

“Take your time. It’s ok.” Athena said as he felt the tears coming. 

“I was leaving one night when the guy Dorehty comes up to me , says I fight pretty good and offers me a spot here. I tell him no , I’m not interested. Then he tells me that he knows what I do for a living , about Christopher, all of it. If I don’t come and fight Bobby and DCF will find out.” 

“That son of a bitch. Look it’s not great , you being a part of this , but it’s not the end of the world. We can help you.” Athena pulled him into a hug.

“I..I need help. I don’t know what to do anymore to get out of this and I’m still so angry. I just need help. Help me Thena.” Eddie let go , crying in her arms.

“It’s going to be alright. Let’s get you out of here. Give me ten minutes and I’ll pick you up on the corner.” 

“Thank you.” Eddie tries to wipe his tears dry. 

“That’s what family does , baby. Help each other.” she makes her way back down to clear the others out. 

Eddie waits the ten minutes as Athena clears them all out of the building. They had already taken the guy to the hospital. Eddie had made sure to prop him up and place the bone fragment right next to him so they knew what had happened to him. He didn’t need him dying. 

“Where’s Christopher?” Athena asked as he climbed in. 

“He’s with my Abuela. I would never leave him somewhere that was unsafe.” 

“I know that. I wanted to know how long we had to take care of this.” 

“Oh.” Eddie ducked his head. 

They drove , the streets passing in a blur. Eddie remained quiet. Athena was like the mom of their little family. She kept them on the straight and narrow. She was also more understanding when they fucked up. Bobby was the dad in the same sense. Eddie looked up and noticed they were in Athena’s neighborhood. 

“Are we going to your house?” Eddie asked. 

“You , me and my husband are going to sit down and figure this out.” 

They made it to Athena’s. Eddie climbed out of the patrol car and followed her inside. It was late , past ten by now and he felt even worse that he was waking Bobby up. They came into the kitchen to find the man in question pouring three cups of coffee. 

“Let’s get this sorted. What do you say?” Bobby handed him a cup and gestured to the table. 

“Ok. I’m sorry that I woke you and drug you into this mess.” Eddie whispered. 

“It’s not all your fault from what Athena says. I will be requiring you do therapy though so don’t think you get off scot free. Now start at the beginning and let’s get this fixed.” 

They talked through the night as it turned from one day to the next. They worked out a game plan. Eddie was to do the therapy , that was mandatory that he dealt with what drove him to the fights in the first place. Athena was going to look into the texts that Dorehty had sent , not only to Eddie but others as well. If they could nail him threatening Eddie or someone else they would have him and it would let Eddie off the hook if they could prove that he was forced to fight.

Eddie just hoped it all worked out okay. 

@@@

Next shift Lena walked into the station and found Eddie waiting for her. He looked good , better than he had the last time he was waiting to tell her that he had been recruited by Dorhety. She walked toward him and imagined the moment that he would be hers. Soon it would be more than a fantasy. 

“I have the best news.” Eddie said as soon as she was near him. 

“Oh , yeah.” 

“I don’t have to worry about getting out anymore.” 

“What do you mean? Don’t tell me you’ve decided to keep fighting for that creep!” she tried to keep her voice down. 

“No! I don’t have to worry about Cap finding out. He knows.” 

“How the hell did that happen?” 

“I was fighting the other night and the rules are knock out or tap out. So I ended up knocking the guy out. Only , that wasn’t all I did.” 

“I heard about that the other night. One of the other shifts caught a call at a fight ring. A guy with part of his nose bone down his throat. That was you?!”

“I didn’t mean to. You know the rules and this guy would never let me fake a fight.” Eddie defended himself.

“I know. Just did you ever think that he couldn’t tap out , that he had had too many hits to make the right decision?” 

“I know that. I feel bad enough as it is. But that’s why I called 911 , he wasn’t dying because of me. Athena was there and found me. They’re going to go after Dorhety and prove that I didn’t fight for him voluntarily.” 

“That’s good I guess.” 

“It’s great! I don’t have to keep fighting and I don’t have to worry about losing my job and Christopher.” 

“I’m glad it’s working out for you.” Lena said but Eddie wasn’t paying attention. 

Buck had just walked in. He smiled wider than she had seen him do for her. He glanced back at her and gave her a wave as he jogged over to Buck. Her face set in a grimace as she watched Eddie and Buck. He was hers and soon that smiling asshole was going to be gone for good. She slipped into the equipment room while everyone was preoccupied elsewhere and made her way to the one that said Buckley. 

First Buck , then Christopher. 

@@@

Athena was hard at work tracking down all leads. She needed to make sure that they found something to nail this bastard to the wall so that Eddie was home with his son again and not in jail. There was no way that sweet child was losing his daddy. Not if she had anything to say about it. 

She was sifting through text messages , this Dorhety guy was a real piece of work. He had multiple fighters that he was blackmailing. She was going through every text conversation and making note of all the people and what he had on them. 

She was shocked when the next text revealed a very familiar name , Chase Mackey. That sleazeball lawyer that Buck had used to sue her husband , the city and the fire department. She quickly read through things , her eyes widening in shock as she read further. 

There was someone that the lawyer was paying Dorhety off to get out of the ring. There were no names , but Chase had told him that he would pay him soon with a big settlement from a case he was set to get a piece of. That had to be Buck’s case. 

She pulled up the phone records for Mackey and found he was in contact with someone. There were no names again and the number went to a burner. The messages between them were disturbing. Apparently the lawyer knew that he was being watched by the cops and he needed to get the heat off before he could get the money. 

If he was really being watched then someone in the department was on it. Athena got up to go find out what was going on in her house. There was going to be hell to pay if this had anything to do with Buck. No one messed with her boy without telling her about it. 

@@@

The good news was that the case against Dorhety was golden. They had enough to go after him for blackmail , running an illegal fighting ring and a whole slew of other charges. The bad news was that Athena had yet to find out if there was a case against the lawyer yet. She was digging around , but so far no one knew a thing. 

She was part of the team going to bring Dorhety in. She wanted to make sure that he was caught and paid for his crimes. She was also hoping to find out who the lawyer was going to buy out from him. She had a feeling that it was part of something much worse than fighting rings. 

_ “Markus Dorhety , this is the LAPD come out with your hands up!”  _ Athena stood to the side as they surrounded the house he lived at. 

Surprisingly he didn’t walk right out. In fact he had to have known someone was coming because instead of being in the house , he had been in the garage waiting. They had seconds of warning before he came barreling out of the garage in a large truck and took off down the road. Athena jumped in her patrol car and joined the chase. 

They sped through the streets of L.A. , dodging traffic and gaining speed. Athena hoped they could end this without losing any lives , his or other people’s. They ran through a red light narrowly missing a blue car. Athena held her breath as Dorhety swerved around it at the last second , missing it by inches. 

“Goddamn fool is going to kill someone over street fighting.” Athena muttered to herself as they cleared the light and continued west toward the tunnel. 

The longer they chased him the more reckless he became. He almost took out some pedestrians at a crosswalk , sideswiped a car and nearly lost it on a curve. They came upon the tunnel and Athena watched in horror as Dorhety didn’t even slow as he came to the entrance , not seeing or caring about the semi coming in the opposite direction. 

“Oh God!” Athena breathed as she watched the truck clip the front of the semi , flip and crash into the wall of the tunnel. 

Sparks flew from the semi as they scraped the wall trying to avoid Dorhety. Unfortunately that side of the tunnel was under construction and the semi slammed into the concrete barriers they had erected to protect the work site from traffic. It slammed into it doing at least 45 mph or more. 

The lead car went through to the other side to stop traffic coming in while the rest blocked this side. Athena jumped from her car and ran to check on the driver. There was an older man in the driver’s seat , he was pinned by the steering wheel pushed in his lap. His passenger was better , only a head injury. She reached in to try to rouse the driver. 

“Sir , can you hear me? Sir!” she shook his arm gently. 

“Wha…” he moaned. 

“Sir , you were in an accident. You appear to be pinned , but help is on the way.” Athena explained. 

“Oh , God no! The cargo…” 

“It will be fine , sir. The company has insurance on it’s products for this reason.” 

“NO! That’s not it. I’m carrying hazardous materials.” 

“Everyone out now! We’ll get you out as soon as we can.” Athena told the driver as she hopped down and made her way back to the entrance. 

“What was the status of Doherty?” she asked as they waited for the fire trucks and hazmat.

“Look for yourself.” one of the officers pointed to the flaming wreck that was his truck. 

“Shit! Well , guess that fight ring isn’t going to continue under Dorhety at least.” Athena sighed. 

The 118 and hazmat arrived at about the same time. She should have known that fate was going to have this be her husband’s shift. She walked over , trying to calm the nerves she felt brewing at the thought of the man she loved being in danger. 

“What have we got?” Bobby asked as she reached them. 

“We were chasing a suspect when he lost control and hit the semi in the tunnel. He is DOA in the burning truck , but the passengers in the semi hit the construction barrier trying to avoid him. The driver is pinned , the passenger seems alright , but the driver said they’re carrying hazardous material.” 

“Alright , we'll try to get the passenger free while hazmat assesses the scene.” Bobby told them. 

They geared up , protective gloves and the air tanks to avoid breathing in the fumes. They made their way into the tunnel. Hen and Chim stayed further back with the stretcher. Buck and Eddie worked on the passenger while Bobby and Lena checked out the driver. Hazmat inspected the cargo in the truck. 

“Captain Nash we need to evac now! This is a magnesium fire , but the really dangerous part is the Cobalt 60 that was stashed in the back.” 

“The driver is still trapped. We can get him out , just give us time to get him out.” Bobby tells him. 

“Fine , but no longer than 10 mins. Any longer than that and you run the risk of radiation sickness.” Bobby nods his understanding. 

“Look , Hen and Eddie have families to get back to.”

“So do you Cap.” Eddie cuts him off.

“I know , but I’m the captain. Now get out of here. Chim , Lena and Buck I need one of you to stay.” 

“I’ll do it Cap.” Buck says.

“What? Your sister will kill me if something else happens to you.” Chim tells him.

“And she would be heartbroken if something happened to you. Now get going.” Buck nudged him toward the mouth of the tunnel. 

“Let’s do it Cap.” Buck told him. 

They worked quickly , the driver trying and failing to make them leave him. They refused. He talked to them as they pulled and pushed and cut away at the steering wheel to free him. He told them that he had only noticed the radioactive drum when he checked the cargo at the last gas station. The company was illegally dumping it. 

“I swear they’ll get reported for this. I’ll be a whistleblower first thing in the morning.” He promised. 

“I got it!” Bobby said as he moved the final piece trapping him in. 

They pulled him out of the seat and onto the ground. His leg was damaged , but he could still hobble. The meters that measured dangerous atmospheres on their turn out gear screeched as they reached an alarming amount of radiation. 

“GO!”Buck yelled out , voice hoarse and the world spinning. 

Bobby looped his arm around the driver and started practically dragging him out of the tunnel. He didn’t stop and he didn’t look back until he was clear of the tunnel , handing the driver off to Hen and Chim. Eddie was standing there, eyes trained on the tunnel , Lena off to the side of him. He never saw Buck stumble and fall as he left the wreckage behind.

“What?” Bobby asked , turning to look behind him. 

“Buck.” Eddie said. 

“He was right behind me.” Bobby swore as he started to put his gear back on. 

“No , you’ve been in there too long, Cap.” Eddie said as he threw his mask on and ran past him. 

Eddie found Buck just feet from the truck. He was face down with both the atmosphere warning and his PASS alarm screeching in unison. He rushed over and dropped to his knees beside him. He gripped his side and rolled him over as gently as he could.

“Buck! Don’t do this to me now. Wake up!” 

Buck moaned a little , but showed no signs of waking. Eddie prepared to carry him out , getting him in position to throw him over his shoulder. Once he was out of the tunnel he could find out what had happened. He hoisted Buck on his shoulder and made his way out. 

They were all standing there waiting for him. The other victims must have been taken in another ambulance because they were nowhere in sight , but Hen was waiting with Chim. He placed Buck carefully on the stretcher when they pushed it to him. He took the mask off of Buck as they began assessing him. 

“His heart rate is good , breathing’s a little shallow. Seems he just passed out for some reason. Maybe check the equipment.” Hen said. 

“I will. Take him to get checked out. The radiation…” Bobby trailed off. 

“You need to get checked too.” she told him. 

“I’ll be right behind you. None of us are going to leave him alone in the hospital.” Bobby told them.

They loaded Buck and headed for the hospital. Bobby , Eddie and Lena took the truck back to the station. Bobby let dispatch know they were down a member and were about to be down a Captain. They called in the back up crew and sent the rest of them off duty. They climbed in their cars and made their way to the hospital. 

Athena was off shift by the time they made it there and was waiting with Maddie. She left with Bobby when he was called back. They wanted to run some blood tests and check his thyroid. It would soak up all the radiation. It would be hours before the preliminary results would be in and days before the full results. 

Eddie alternated between sitting and pacing. He had called Abuela and let her know what had happened , asking if she could get Christopher to school in the morning. She had agreed and told him to keep her updated. She loved Buck. 

“He seems to be doing alright now. It appears that he passed out from low oxygen. From what I gathered from Mr. Buckley , he was hooked to his oxygen tank , but it would appear that it was not in proper working order. You might want to get that looked at.” the Dr explained a few hours later as they were all waiting for word , Bobby now with them. 

“We’ll be looking at his equipment.” Bobby assured him with a frown.

“Oh Eddie , that suspect we were chasing tonight was Dorhety. We just need to finish looking into who he was working with and the whole thing will be destroyed.” Athena told him. 

No one noticed the flinch Lena gave at that. 

Everyone agreed to head home and come back to see Buck in the morning. Eddie of course was staying. There was no way he could leave Buck here again , not when he was so unsettled. When he had seen Bobby come out of the tunnel , but there was no sign of Buck. His heart had stopped and he thought  _ ‘I’ve lost him again.’ _

He followed the nurse back to his room. At this rate he was wondering if he shouldn’t have a permanent bed here. He spent enough time here. She led him to a single room and left him at the door. He took a breath and walked in. 

“You didn’t have to stay.” Buck told him. 

“If you think I’m leaving you here , you’re delusional. How are you feeling?” he asked as he sat in the chair next to his bed. 

“Like the truck landed on my chest. Dr said that was from lack of oxygen , something about my body straining to get air. Will be sore for a bit.” 

“I need you to stop scaring me. I can’t handle almost losing you over and over again.” Eddie told him seriously. 

“I know. It’s not like I do these things intentionally.”

“I get that. I just…” Eddie shrugged , unsure where to end that sentence. 

“Come here.” Buck patted the bed as he scooted over to the far edge. 

“But we..” 

“I know , but I think today proved that life is short. I want to start over. Take things slow and build up to where we were.” Buck told him as he held out his hand to Eddie. 

“I can deal with that.” Eddie said as he settled next to him on the bed. 

They laid there in silence , not needing to speak. All they needed was the feel of each other , knowing they were both alive and alright. They fell asleep like that , pressed together and holding hands. It was the best either of them had slept since before the lawsuit. 

@@@

Back at the station Bobby was going over Buck’s equipment. He had planned to go home and do it in the morning , but once in the car he had been unable to let it go. So here he was checking things over. 

“Find anything?” Athena asked. 

“Not yet , but I think I…” Bobby trailed off. 

He held the connection up to see it better. There was something jammed in the connector. He grabbed it the best he could and pulled. Whatever it was it was not there by accident. Someone had placed it there , someone who wanted Buck to get hurt. There was a killer amongst them. 

“Is that?” Athena asked.

“Yeah , someone jammed it so that it would still show he had air , but it couldn’t get through fully. That way he would think everything was normal , but in reality he was breathing only a portion of the air he was supposed to.” 

“Someone tried to kill him?” 

“Looks like. Question is who and why.” Bobby said as he grabbed a plastic bag and bagged the evidence. 

  
  



	8. Christmas Miracle

“Someone jammed something into the connector of your tank. It was designed to block most but not all of your oxygen so that you would slowly build up c02 in your system and pass out. Depending on the location and nature of the call , you could go down and die before someone realized something was wrong.” Bobby explained to Buck and Eddie in the hospital room. 

“You’re saying that someone at the station tried to kill him?” Eddie exclaimed. 

“That is how it appears. Athena took the evidence to see what they could get off of it. Do you know of anyone that might have done this?” 

“You want to know if anyone was angry enough to kill me after I tried to sue everyone? Really Bobby , take your pick.” Buck muttered. 

“Hey , now you said that you had a reason for that.” Eddie told him. 

“What is he talking about?” Bobby asked , confused. 

“I think I want to know the answer to that as well.” Athena said as she entered the room. 

“What did they find out about what I found in the equipment?” Bobby asked.

“They weren’t able to get any prints off of it.” Athena told him. 

“So we know nothing other than someone at the firehouse tried to kill him and we have no idea who it could be?” Eddie asked incredulously. 

“We will figure this out. Buck , do you have any idea who could have done this?” Everyone turned to look at him. 

Buck was sitting with his head hung , his hands wringing the sheet tight in knots. He knew that this had to do with the lawsuit. More specifically the stupid undercover lawsuit/sting that he had participated in. He didn’t want to tell them like this , he wanted to be able to tell Eddie first and alone. A small part of him , even now , was sure that he was going to lose him. 

“I...the suit. I know who would have reason to kill me , but they aren’t at the station so I don’t know how they could have done it.” Buck whispered. 

“Who? They could have hired someone.” Athena said. 

“The lawyer. He must have found out what happened. I was....I was supposed to be done with it already , but he was taking too long for some reason and they made me wait. They wanted to catch him so I had to wait.” Buck rambled , his hands clenched tightly. 

“Whoa , what are you talking about Buck?” Bobby said, trying to calm him. 

“I...god I hate this.” Buck whispered as his eyes teared up. 

“It’s ok Buck , we just want to help you.” Eddie soothed him. 

Buck sat there for a moment trying to regain his control and organize his thoughts. He felt anxiety at finally telling them what had happened. He knew that they would feel guilty once they knew. The way they had shunned him and treated him during it all. He was angry about that , but after nearly dying he didn’t want them to hurt. He wanted this all to be over and go away. 

“After the fire drill incident , Chief Edwards called me into his office. They told me that the LAPD had a file on the lawyer , had spent a long time trying to catch him skimming money off his clients. This was their chance to do a joint sting to catch him in the act. They just needed someone on their side to be the bait.” 

“Buck , are you saying….” Athena started , but Buck held his hand up to stop her. 

“I told them I wasn’t sure that I could pull it off so they gave me a few days to think about it. I ran into you after that and you invited me to dinner. Well , after that I called and told them I would do it. I should have waited and let the anger dissipate , but I was so hurt I couldn’t think clearly. I tried to talk to Eddie about it , but he was in a hurry and I had to leave. It had to look as though I was alone.” 

“I’m so sorry that I didn’t give you the chance to talk to me that day. It would have saved us so much pain and heartache.” Eddie told him , reaching out for his hand. 

“I know. I made sure that Christopher knew , I got him his own phone. I couldn’t leave him thinking that I was upset with him or without a way to get a hold of me if he needed me. I told him not to tell Eddie because I was worried that you would still hate me. So I went to them and they set me up with a place and a plan. I had to make it real , that’s why I told him about you guys it had to seem like I was really committed to suing you. I’m so sorry about what he said.” Buck cried. 

“Hey , it’s ok. You had to do it. Don’t let this hurt you more.” Bobby tried to assure him.

“I god I went home after that meeting and scrubbed and scrubbed , trying to get rid of the sick feeling I got from watching him tell everyone that stuff about you.”

“Buck , did you...I mean did you hurt yourself doing that?” Athena asked quietly. 

“I didn’t mean to. Then the phone rang and Chris was telling me goodnight and how sad you were and how he couldn’t wait till I was back home. I knew that you wouldn’t want me back after what I had done. I thought about letting the scratches bleed , but I let that go real quick. I never gave up after Doug , no reason to start now.” 

_ :Oh dios mio! Que he hecho?!”  _ Eddie dropped his head in his hands. 

“Buck…” 

“It’s okay. I didn’t let it go there. After that I was back with you guys and I just had to wait. He was supposed to cash the check for me and give me the winnings. They knew he was going to take the bait because he told me only half of the real amount.” Buck said while he rubbed his hand up and down Eddie’s back to try to comfort him. 

“What was the amount?” Athena asked. 

“He told me they settled for seven million , but Chief Edwards told me it was really fourteen million.” 

“What?!” Eddie snapped his head up in shock. 

“I don’t really get it , not that I wanted it anyway. But it doesn’t matter , he didn’t cash it yet. I don’t know what the issue was , but they thought he was planning something else. Maybe he found out that I was a plant and the money wasn’t real. That would be a reason to kill me , but I don’t understand how he would get to my stuff at the station.” Buck finished. 

“I think I have an idea. There was a chase last night , a Markus Dorhety , we had him for running an illegal fight ring. We tried to arrest him and he fled , he wrecked and was killed instantly. But in the investigation we connected him to someone else , Chase Mackey.”

“What does a lawyer and a street fighting ring leader have in common?” Buck asked. 

“Me.” Eddie whispered. 

“What?” 

“I was so upset after the lawsuit and I needed some way to get it all out. I found out about the fights and I was there. Dorhety found me and blackmailed me into fighting for him , he threatened Christopher.” 

“Street fighting?” Buck looked at him. 

“I know , it was stupid. I would never have brought it back to you. I would never hurt you and I hate that I was in anyway like him , like Doug.” Eddie prayed that this wasn’t the end , that this wasn’t too much for Buck. 

“I can’t blame you for how you handled things. I didn’t exactly handle them well either. Maybe we should both see about therapy.” Buck suggested. 

“I think that would be a good idea , Cap already said I had to do it.” Eddie smiled at him. 

“Ok , but that still doesn’t point to the person that tried to kill Buck.” Bobby pointed out. 

“Who got you into the fights? That’s not something one just stumbles across.” Athena asked. 

“It was Lena , she said she knew a place I could let go of that anger.” Eddie replied. 

“You think that she was the one that tried to kill Buck?” Bobby asked.

“What do you think , Buck?” 

“She was , well she was kind of mean to me. Told me things or made my chores harder.” Buck whispered. 

“We need her phone number to confirm that she was the one in contact with Mackey. He was planning to buy the person out of the fights so maybe Dorhety had something on her like he did you.” 

“I...God this is all so crazy.” Eddie said in disbelief. 

“I’m going to get this going. I’ll call in Chief Edwards and the team that was working with you. There may be a mole somewhere though. That would explain why Mackey hasn’t made his move yet. I’ll let you know what happens.” Athena said and with a kiss to Buck’s forehead she was gone. 

“I’m going to fill the others in on what happened and if it’s alright , tell them what you were working on. I know that the core team didn’t do this so they’ll be safe.” Bobby said as he stood. 

“Bobby , Lena was out there when Athena told me about Dorhety. If she’s in on it she knows we’re getting close now.” Eddie said suddenly. 

“I’ll let her know. Keep him safe.” Bobby nodded toward Buck and left. 

“God , I’ve made such a mess of things.” Buck said. 

“You , I think I played a part in this too.” 

“It was my fault though. I agreed to the operation out of anger and that started you down your path and to all this.” 

“I won’t let you take all the blame for this. Some of it’s on me , let’s share it if we must.” 

“I guess we can work on it in therapy.” Buck smiled at him. 

“Yeah , we can.” 

@@@@@

Lena had run out of the hospital as fast as she could once they had left her alone. She had to get out of there and maybe out of town. She had tried to call Chase , but it went to voicemail. She left a message as she sped home. There was no way she was going to go down for this shit and if she did , it wouldn’t be alone. 

She made it home and threw her stuff in a few bags and was ready to get the hell out of dodge. She knew that they would eventually end up connecting her to Buckley’s equipment malfunction. It wasn’t the first time she had made someone have a little accident. Her parents had one when the brakes went out on their car one day driving back from their cabin in the mountains. She inherited a small fortune and got them out the way in the same move. She grabbed the bags and made for the door. 

“Stop right there!” Athena said as she turned to close the door behind her. 

“Is there a problem?” Lena asked. 

“I think you know there is. Otherwise you wouldn’t be running.” Athena said as she pulled the cuffs from her belt.

Lena looked as though she was planning to run , but Athena placed her hand on her service weapon. Lena turned slowly and put her hands behind her back. Athena stepped forward and clicked the cuffs around her wrists then escorted her to the car. She was tempted to throw her in jail and lose the key. 

No one hurt her babies. 

“We’ll get you booked and then we’re going to have a chat.” 

“Did you get Mackey too? He’s the mastermind behind all this.” Lena told her. 

“We know that he’s involved and we have people out to pick him up. In the meantime why don’t you tell me your side of the story.” Athena told her as they drove to the station. 

Athena listened as she laid the whole story out for her. How she had been blackmailed into the fighting by Doherty and how Mackey had come to her needing a way to isolate Buck from the rest of the crew. He had known about her because he had been Doherty’s lawyer before and he owed him for getting him out of a jam. 

“So you went along with the plan because Mackey was going to buy you out from under Doherty?” Athena asked as they got settled in an interrogation room. 

“Yeah. He needed someone to isolate Buck and even though I was offered up by Markus I wanted to get out. I told him that if he got me out from under him I would do whatever he needed. He was willing to do that.”

“And killing Buck , whose plan was that?” 

“Mackey. He was going to get the pay out and disappear , but he had someone in the department that tipped him off about some sting. He said that if he killed off Buck that he would get the money.” 

“So he told you to kill him?” 

“He told me to make him have an accident.”

“Thank you for cooperating.” Athena said as she stood to leave. 

She had to get back out there to help find Mackey. There was no way he was going to get away with it when he was the mastermind. She pulled her phone out as she made her way to the car. She needed to make sure that Buck knew that Mackey was after him. 

_ “Hello?” Eddie answered.  _

“Eddie , we got Lena. She confessed everything , Doherty was part of it. He was to reel you in to keep you out of Buck’s life and she was to keep everyone else from letting Buck get back in with the crew. He had someone in the department who tipped him off about him being undercover.” 

_ “So you have her , what about Mackey?” Eddie asked.  _

“We’re still looking for him. I’m going to get him. He won’t get away with this.” Athena promised. 

_ “We’ll keep an eye out for him.”  _

“I’m going to send an officer over to sit on his room. I’ll let you know as soon as we get him.” 

_ “Thanks Thena.” Eddie whispered.  _

Athena hung up and started the cruiser. She was going to find that asshole if it took her all day and night. She placed the call to get someone to the hospital to sit with Buck until they caught Mackey. 

@@@

Mackey was pacing back and forth in his apartment , he knew that Lena was picked up. It was all falling apart. It was only a matter of time before she told them that he was involved and they came to get him. He wasn’t going down for this. 

He moved to the closet and dug out his luggage. He was going to disappear no matter how much money he had. He went through his clothes and grabbed them by the handfuls. He was going somewhere there was no extradition. He took any papers he would need and threw them in his bags. He grabbed his keys and was out the door. 

He jumped in his car and headed out of town. He planned to head south first , get out of L.A. then he could figure out which direction to head. He wouldn’t have enough money to take a flight out of the country , but he could work his way up to it. 

He just needed to get out of L.A. first. He made it to the end of the road and turned left , behind him Athena turned on to the street just as his car made it around the corner. 

@@@

“Do you think that he’ll come here?” Buck asked Eddie as he got off the phone with Athena. 

“I don’t know , but if he does then I’ll make sure that he regrets it.” Eddie told him. 

“My protector.” Buck smiled at him. 

‘I’m always going to protect you.” Eddie told him. 

Buck leaned forward and puckered his lips for a kiss. Eddie smiled and complied , leaning toward Buck and pecking him in a sweet kiss. Buck closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment. He was ready to go home and be with his boys. 

“Where’s Christopher?” Buck asked suddenly. 

“He’s with my Abuela.” 

“Let her know not to open the door to anyone. I don’t want him to go after him to get to me.” 

“I will.” Eddie said and pulled out his phone. 

@@@

Chase had left his apartment two hours ago and still wasn’t out of L.A. He had tried every way out he knew. Each place he tried had a checkpoint , he wasn’t sure that it was for him , but he wasn’t taking a chance. He had just tried the last way out he knew and it was bust as well. He had to face the music. There was no way out. 

He drove off and parked in the first parking lot he came to. He needed to think. He couldn’t get away , he wasn’t going to be caught that was for sure. He was stuck. He hated that damn idiot , he had ruined his life. He wished Lena had managed to kill him before she was taken into custody. 

It came to him then. 

If he couldn’t get away and he didn’t want to go to jail , but he could deal with it if he took that fucker with him. He wondered if they would be watching his room. He was sure they were , but would they be on the lookout for a nurse coming to check on him. He was going to take that fucker out or die trying. 

He drove over to the hospital , he was hoping that he could make it into the hospital and to his room before they caught on. It wouldn’t due for him to get caught as soon as he walked in the door. He made his way in and walked over to the elevators. No one said a thing to him. He knew from being here to pick up clients that there was a bin on the second floor that had scrubs he could grab. 

He made his way over and walked slowly down the hall until there was no one in the hall. He flipped the lid open on the bin and grabbed a set of scrubs and made a beeline to the bathroom. He pulled the clothes on over his and walked out. One quick stop in an empty room and he had a face mask. 

Now he just needed to figure out what room Buck was in. It shouldn’t be that hard , he just needed to find the room with the cop outside. There were only three floors and the top one was the ICU floor. He was sure that he wasn’t there. That would have made the news. 

He made his way around the 2nd floor , finally he spotted the cop sitting outside the room. That had to be his. He made his way over to where the blood pressure machines and the med carts were. He dug through and pulled out a bag of saline. He turned and walked toward the hospital room , doing his best not to be suspicious. 

He nodded at the cop seated outside the room and slipped in. He could hardly believe that he had made it into the room. He closed the door behind him and pulled the curtain back closed. He turned and saw his target laying on the bed , turned toward the wall and thankfully all alone. He quietly sat the bag on the counter and made his way over to the bed behind him. All he needed to do was smother him with a pillow or strangle him and it would be all over. 

He crept closer and looked at his options. The pillow was wedged under him pretty tight so that wasn’t a good option. Strangling him it was. He reached his hands down to slowly wrap around his neck. He was almost touching his neck when he rolled over. 

“You fucked up now.” he said. 

“What the hell? Where is Buckley?!” Mackey yelled. 

“He’s not in this room. Did you really think we were going to let you get away with this?” Eddie told him as he threw the covers off and stood. 

“HE HAS TO DIE!” Mackey yelled and lunged for Eddie. 

Of course Eddie was trained better than that and easily knocked him to the side. The cop busted into the room as Eddie pinned him to the ground with his arms pulled behind him. He held him until the cop could cuff him. Once he was secured he walked out of the room and across the hall to Buck’s room. 

“Did you get him?” Buck asked as he sat up. 

“Yeah , I did. He’s not getting near you again.” Eddie told him as he sat on his bed. 

“I still don’t get why it had to be you.” 

“Because I didn’t trust anyone else to make sure he was caught.” 

“But what if he had had a gun?” Buck asked , eyes tearing up at the thought that Eddie could have been hurt. 

“He wouldn’t risk alerting someone like that. This isn’t the movies , no one has silencers laying around. He would have to do it quietly.” Eddie reassured him as he reached forward and wiped the tears off his cheeks. 

“We got him and he’s not going to get out anytime soon. You boys alright?” Athena asked as she made her way into the room. 

“Yeah , we’re fine. I can’t believe he tried to kill me.” 

“Well , seven million dollars will do that to people.” Eddie told him. 

“I’m sorry. I should have told the chief no and waited till Bobby let me back.” 

“It’s alright  _ carinõ.  _ What I want to know is how you got here so fast?” Eddie asked Athena.

“As soon as I went to his place and saw that he was gone I knew that he would try to run. But with the exits shut down with checkpoints , he only had one choice left. Kill you before he was arrested.” Athena told them. 

“Well , I’m glad you were right. Now I won’t have to look over my shoulder waiting for him to come for me.” 

“The doctors said you were cleared to go home. What do you say , want to head home?” Eddie asked him.

“I can deal with that. Which place are we talking about?”

“I’m talking about our house , with me and Christopher where you belong.” Eddie told him.

“We’ll have to stop by and get all my stuff from the apartment.” Buck smiled at him. 

“We can do that , then we go home.” Eddie kissed him softly. 

@@@

“How’s he doing?” Hen asked as she and Eddie watched Buck sitting at the coffee table making gingerbread houses with Christopher and Denny. 

“He’s doing better. He still has a few nightmares , but now he wakes me up and we talk about them. Christopher is even sleeping better. I just wish it didn’t take all this to get us where we are.” Eddie told her. 

“And the lawsuit , has he forgiven us for how we all treated him?” 

“We talked about it a little. He’s not forgiving us right away. He did that too much with Doug. We’re still working on getting past what happened between us.” 

“How’s Christopher doing with Buck home?” 

“He’s better. I know that he was upset with him gone and even with the phone he was still missing him. Things are better now that he’s back.” 

“That’s good. Karen is still struggling with the loss of the babies. I don’t know how to help her.” 

“I can’t imagine how hard that could be. When Shannon got pregnant things went so fast and me being in the army. But we were never close to each other , it was a different situation.” 

“How did Christopher take the news that we have to work on Christmas?” 

“He went into his room and pouted for about two hours. I feel bad that we can’t be there , but I can’t help it.” 

_ “What are you doing for Christmas?” Denny asked. _

_ “I’m going to be at my Abuela’s cause daddy and Buck have to work.”  _

Eddie shared a look with Hen as Christopher lowered his head and the mood went south. He wished that he could give his son the Christmas he wanted , but he wasn’t in charge of the schedule. He connected eyes with Buck across the room. 

Buck had a look in his eye that told Eddie he was up to something. 

@@@

“I’M BLUE!” the woman yelled as she opened the door. 

Buck had to admit that he had never seen someone who had turned blue before. It was an interesting look , that was for sure. He cocked his head to the side as Bobby tried to calm her down. Eddie looked at him and tried not to laugh. 

“I can’t be blue!” she cried. 

Buck made his way to the bathroom , Eddie on his heels. There was no way they would be able to keep their laughter in. Buck waited until Eddie had shut the door behind him and busted out laughing. They fell into each other laughing and gasping. Finally they tapered off. 

“I needed that laugh. But we need to figure out why that poor woman is blue.” Buck said. 

“I know. Check the trash and I’ll check the medicine cabinet.” Eddie said. 

They searched through the bathroom and Buck smiled as he pulled a box out of the trash. Eddie grabbed it from him to look at it and couldn’t believe it. They really should put a bigger warning on these boxes. 

“Have you been using a lot of this?” Eddie asked as they walked out of the bathroom to see brown blood coming out of the woman’s arm. 

“I had a toothache. I use a lot of that because it keeps the pain away. Why?”

“Uh , what the hell is that?!” Buck said , not one to let the important part go. 

“That makes sense.” Chim said as he took the box from Eddie. 

“What do you mean?” 

“This is fine in small increments. But if you take it in large amounts it can dye your skin blue and turn your blood the color of chocolate. It’s easily reversible though.” 

Hen and Chim started administering the treatment , the poor woman freaking out. Finally the woman began to turn back to a human color. Buck knew that this one was gonna be one for laughs for a while. They got her to the hospital and headed to the next call , Buck felt his phone vibrate. 

Buck had an idea and he was going to need help , but he didn’t want to let anyone in on it and ruin the surprise. 

@@@

“You alright there Cap?” Eddie asked as they finished up the call with the baggage guy in the plane engine. 

Everyone turned to look at what he was talking about. Buck looked at Cap and felt his heart drop as he saw the trickle of blood coming from his nose. He didn’t want to lose Cap , that was the first man that had made him feel like he wasn’t a screw up. He had thought that Cap had been cleared from the radioactive call. He had been cleared even though he had been in that tunnel longer than Cap. 

“Yeah , I’m fine.” Cap said. 

Buck felt like that wasn’t right. He climbed in the truck and pulled out his phone. He texted Athena that he would call her to go over the plans in a bit then he opened the search bar and started researching radiation poisoning. Continuing looking things up as they made their way back to the fire station.

He looked up everything he could and made a list of what could be the reason that Cap was bleeding from the nose. He couldn’t handle losing him , not after he finally felt like his family was complete. He compiled all his findings and went off to find Cap who was over by the engine. 

“Hey , Cap is everything alright?” Buck asked as he walked up to him. 

“Buck , I swear that everything is fine.” Bobby said. 

“But have you been experiencing any headaches or any blurry vision?” Buck asked. 

“Buck , they cleared me and I swear that things are fine. I will even go and get things checked out.” 

“But Bobby you need to make sure that things are alright. We can’t have you getting sick.” 

“Buck , what’s going on here?” 

“I just...I can’t lose you. I finally got things in my life the way I always dreamed they would be and I’m not ready to lose that.” 

“I get it , Buck. I’ll let you know what the Dr. says.” Bobby grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. 

Buck felt his eyes water and he grips Bobby tightly. He held on after Bobby started to pull away. He knew that he was being clingy and morose , but he loved Bobby. Like a father and he thought sometimes that he was his father. 

“I love you , Bobby.” Buck whispered. 

“I love you too , son.” Bobby told him. 

@@@

“I really wish that we had tonight off. I miss the kids.” Bobby said as they pulled the engine back in the bay. 

“I know , Christopher wouldn’t even talk to me.” Eddie said. 

“I think he was just thinking about things.” Buck said , trying to settle things. 

“We can spend time with the kids tomorrow. It won’t be the same , but we can make it up to them.” Hen told them.

“Now , who’s ready for chinese?” Bobby asked as they walked up to the loft. 

Buck made sure that he was last up the stairs. He and Athena had made all the plans on the down low. He had gotten ahold of the others and made sure that they would be here when they got back from the call. He had sent a text after they had secured the scene and had clean up to do. 

“Omg what’s all this?” Bobby asked as they made it up to the loft and saw everyone standing there waiting for them. 

“Surprise!” Christopher yelled. 

Eddie stopped and looked back at Buck. He was standing there smiling softly at the scene. He felt his heart swell with love. He loved Buck more than he ever thought he could love someone. Other than Christopher of course. 

"You did all this?" Eddie asked Buck as he came to stand next to him , his arm wrapping around him and pulling him into his side. 

"I couldn't let everyone miss Christmas. I had some help from Athena though so it wasn't all me." Buck shrugged. 

"You are such an amazing man." Eddie told him. 

They gathered around and had dinner , laughed and smiled together. The kids had presents to open and they made memories. Buck felt complete again. 

Chase Mackey was behind bars , his accomplices were locked up or dead. Eddie was out of street fighting and they were working on their relationship. He was working on his relationship with the rest or the team. 

“Buck , I just heard back from the detective , they found the mole. One of the cops involved in the sting had been friends with Mackey. This guy.” Athena told him and showed him a picture. 

“That’s the guy that gave me shit about wanting to tell you guys.” Buck told her. 

“Well , he’s been arrested too. It’s all over , Buckaroo.” Athena pecked him on the cheek and walked off. 

"Hey , Buck can I talk to you for a minute?" Bobby called. 

"Yeah , I'll be right back." Buck told Eddie and Christopher. 

"I got checked out by the Dr." Bobby said as Buck made his way over. 

"What did they say?" Buck asked anxiously.

"I'm all good. It was allergies that's all. No radiation." 

"Thank god!" Buck pulled him into a hug. 

Bobby laughed and squeezed him back. They made their way back to the rest of the group. Buck made his way over to Eddie who was standing beneath the mistletoe. He tapped him on the shoulder and pulled him into a kiss when he turned around. 

"Not in front of the children!" The others teased. 

"I can't wait to be home with you." Buck smiled at him. 


End file.
